The semester came on strong. The fact is, that it isn’t just one class you need to get the swing of but some 5 or 6 or 7. Five classes is what I had to deal with and the toughest part is the beginning and the end. Off to a rocky start, with the class, I had the little snag which I began working off another English class. Working together, we got everything all tweaked and as they say, no harm no foul. Back on track and doing the right class it was like learning to swim by jumping into the deep end. With our first writing being your strengths and weakness’s, I knew I was not a strong writer but have the makings of.
I never told any people this but when I was in elementary school I was in the middle of quite a little book. I was up to around seventy pages and it was a fiction book about fantasy dungeon and dragon style world. I was so into the book and the only one who knew was my parents. They really cheered me on to write it and was so proud of me. I lost the book. I was so upset and tried re-writing it with what I remembered but couldn’t do it. It wasn’t the same. I wish I could find that book and continue it. I really enjoyed it. Every time I would start writing it I would be almost living the story. It was an incredible feeling of accomplishment. That would be my dream to find that book and finish it.
With the class pretty much over I became a much stronger writer I believe. I have another English class I am taking along with this one and it was a teacher I have previously had. No names but she is tough, Lesley Gillis (cough). She is great and really makes you work but is completely fair. Between both of you great teachers, I have overcome a lot of writing fears. I will always remember the comment you made to me which, can work for me or against me, was the fact I start writing before I have an idea of where I am ultimately going with the work. With Lesley, she always tells me its not what I say, it’s how I say it. In other words, don’t be fancy with wording just get my ideas across clearly. I think those are the two hardships which I need to over come to really be where I want to be as a writer. As I said in the beginning of the class, I wish I had a vast word base. My words are basic words and I don’t really know fancy big words. It makes me feel like I am lacking or stupider then other classmates.
I had great experiences in this class. I told stories which could make me look like a bad person but I am really not. I have done things, as others have to, in which I regret but I can’t turn back the clock. I liked the idea how the class was true life personal stories. It brought up a lot of memories or things I haven’t touched on. It was a little different then other English classes where it was more, read something and analyze it. I like free writing but sometimes life experience all can go so far. I love doing more non-fiction writing. Through out the course I had trouble getting all the writing done due to time. I am not a kid out of high school. I am a thirty year old married man with two kids, a job, and other things going on. I dug my heels in and got the most I could out of the class. Thanks.
The class is a great class and you shouldn’t change a thing. You are a great teacher and writer who is very forgiving and helpful which I think all teachers should take after. You should be able to expect more out of a college student but also all college students are kids out of high school whose mommies pay for their school, car, living expenses and everything else. A lot of college students don’t have the time which is needed so I think it’s a great thing when there is teachers such as you whom work with and not against the student. I appreciate all the positive and negative feedback from the class. If you have any finally thing to tell me to help me grow more as a writer or any feedback please tell me. Good or bad it all goes to the cause. The cause, meaning, me as a writer.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Week 14
Everyone has a drug probably to one point or another. A drug problem isn’t just the stereotypical crack, heroin and other hard core drugs. A drug problem can be a dependency on any man made substance. It can be the older person to taking the Bayer low dose to a child taking a daily Flintstone vitamin which we all have taken at some point in time in our lives. The yummy little vitamins we all can eat like candy flies under the radar as being a drug addict. Everyone has one of these people in your family or is one themselves.
A hundred years ago or even less you would never see people taking vitamins just to live. It really isn’t necessary. How come people decided all of a sudden people need to take a aspirin or a vitamin or something else? Some people with heart burn have pocket full’s of pills. Instead of just relaxing for a day or two they are sipping some day quill. How could we have gotten to this point in our lives to rely so greatly on medicine. Our body can care for itself. We do or did at one point in time had immune systems.
People want to live forever but is it safe for themselves to take on a drug habit to survive. It does allow people to live long and more healthy lives but what about the environment. Soon, scientist will create a way to lengthen our life to an extreme. With more people in the world then in anytime in history. This means our mother Earth is being destroyed at an alarming rate. How and where is all our water coming from. How and where is our food going to come from? Better yet, where is our garbage going to go? It boggles the mind thinking of.
Something needs to happen in order to live this long drugged up lives. Soon other disturbing things will happen. Humans evolve and soon we will evolve into having no immune system due to the medicine will replace it. It is a crazy thought to think we may soon have no immune system due to the fact we are a medicine dependant animal. Hopefully we all find some kind of happy medium for our children’s sake.
A hundred years ago or even less you would never see people taking vitamins just to live. It really isn’t necessary. How come people decided all of a sudden people need to take a aspirin or a vitamin or something else? Some people with heart burn have pocket full’s of pills. Instead of just relaxing for a day or two they are sipping some day quill. How could we have gotten to this point in our lives to rely so greatly on medicine. Our body can care for itself. We do or did at one point in time had immune systems.
People want to live forever but is it safe for themselves to take on a drug habit to survive. It does allow people to live long and more healthy lives but what about the environment. Soon, scientist will create a way to lengthen our life to an extreme. With more people in the world then in anytime in history. This means our mother Earth is being destroyed at an alarming rate. How and where is all our water coming from. How and where is our food going to come from? Better yet, where is our garbage going to go? It boggles the mind thinking of.
Something needs to happen in order to live this long drugged up lives. Soon other disturbing things will happen. Humans evolve and soon we will evolve into having no immune system due to the medicine will replace it. It is a crazy thought to think we may soon have no immune system due to the fact we are a medicine dependant animal. Hopefully we all find some kind of happy medium for our children’s sake.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Week 14
Another year has gone by and everyone knows what time of year it is. This time of year was Christmas and to many it can be a dream come true. The smiles that it can put upon someone’s face can be an incredible feat of happiness. Everyone can appreciate the feeling they get when Santa Claus comes to town, most everyone anyways. This year was like any other for a young boy named Nicco. Three years young, he really didn’t have many expectations or really know what to expect. With great parents as he had, he knew something great was to happen. He was told about this fictitious man in red dropping off presents to everybody’s house. How could it be. Well, it is. Nicco’s house was just another stop and he was sure to get presents because of what a great kid he was. The build up of Christmas is just as big as the actual day. Nicco and his cousins actually getting together as families should. Singing songs, decorating the tree, presents, and of course the winter weather which includes snowman and sledding. As Christmas Eve was slipping by, Nicco prepared the night with by putting out cookies and milk. He was so excited to see if Santa would really eat them. He also left a carrot out for the reindeer. As he fell quickly to sleep he possibly dreamed of many toys. The next day arrived quickly and his eyes fluttered awake as he pounced on his parents. The woke quickly to say in that high pitch excited voice, “Merry Christmas Nicco, I love you so much.” They all gathered in the living room to what was to be a great day of family, presents, and playing.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Children
Top ten things that you must be aware of when you have a child:
1.) While You Sleep: You are most vulnerable while you are sleeping. Never trust a child. They can be so mischievous. Children are never tired and as adults, sorry, you will be tired. You are not four no more. While you sleep they have the whole run of the house. Put all snacks away, including chips, candy, and other kinds of junk food. If they are missing in the morning do not I repeat do not blame the dog.
2.) A Moment of Silence: This may not be listed as rule of thumb one but is the number one thing. As a parent you should expect NO silence ever. If you ever hear absolutely nothing. Run, duck, hide, take cover, and get ready for the worse. Children are never quite so if they become silent you know something is about to go down.
3.) The Bathroom: The bathroom is a battlefield with an endless supply of weapons and ammunition. Anything is the bathroom is fair game for a child. Toilet paper, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, and other items like dental floss. Toilet paper is an especially useful weapon for children. It can be used to plug a toilet or run ribbon through the house.
4.) Litter Box: The litter box can have multiple purposes such as a cat box/sand box.
5.) Keys: We all know keys jingle like little bells. It also has buttons which make your truck or car alarm go off. What child wouldn’t want to rattle those keys around and just plain and simply fuck with you. They seem to always go for the red alarm button. Horn honking and lights flashing and your heart pounding from being scared. Keys can double as a object for children to hide.
6.) Sippy Cups: Sippy cups are a must. Open top cups can often be spilled and will be spilled. Even if they are eight, nine, or ten give them a sippy cup.
7.) Mud Puddles: Puddles are a inviting hole of water and mud. If he/she is dressed in their best outfit for school watch them closer then close. The are and will make it into that puddle on way or another. Carry them if possible.
8.) Bed Time: This can be the toughest time of the day. They never want to go to bed. No matter how tired they are they just wont quit. They will fight you the whole way. Expect them to get up at least one or twice. Be prepared for water or with the toy they previously had. For some reason they will want one or the other.,
9.) Toys on the Floor: This can really put a man to his knees. Stepping on that sharp edged toy. It hurts like no other and will get a swear out of you whether you swear or not.
10.) Cuddles: Take the cuddles while you can. As they age cuddles will grow to be extinct. Take advantage of any chances of them cuddling or loving you. When they get to old you mine as well forget about it.
1.) While You Sleep: You are most vulnerable while you are sleeping. Never trust a child. They can be so mischievous. Children are never tired and as adults, sorry, you will be tired. You are not four no more. While you sleep they have the whole run of the house. Put all snacks away, including chips, candy, and other kinds of junk food. If they are missing in the morning do not I repeat do not blame the dog.
2.) A Moment of Silence: This may not be listed as rule of thumb one but is the number one thing. As a parent you should expect NO silence ever. If you ever hear absolutely nothing. Run, duck, hide, take cover, and get ready for the worse. Children are never quite so if they become silent you know something is about to go down.
3.) The Bathroom: The bathroom is a battlefield with an endless supply of weapons and ammunition. Anything is the bathroom is fair game for a child. Toilet paper, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, and other items like dental floss. Toilet paper is an especially useful weapon for children. It can be used to plug a toilet or run ribbon through the house.
4.) Litter Box: The litter box can have multiple purposes such as a cat box/sand box.
5.) Keys: We all know keys jingle like little bells. It also has buttons which make your truck or car alarm go off. What child wouldn’t want to rattle those keys around and just plain and simply fuck with you. They seem to always go for the red alarm button. Horn honking and lights flashing and your heart pounding from being scared. Keys can double as a object for children to hide.
6.) Sippy Cups: Sippy cups are a must. Open top cups can often be spilled and will be spilled. Even if they are eight, nine, or ten give them a sippy cup.
7.) Mud Puddles: Puddles are a inviting hole of water and mud. If he/she is dressed in their best outfit for school watch them closer then close. The are and will make it into that puddle on way or another. Carry them if possible.
8.) Bed Time: This can be the toughest time of the day. They never want to go to bed. No matter how tired they are they just wont quit. They will fight you the whole way. Expect them to get up at least one or twice. Be prepared for water or with the toy they previously had. For some reason they will want one or the other.,
9.) Toys on the Floor: This can really put a man to his knees. Stepping on that sharp edged toy. It hurts like no other and will get a swear out of you whether you swear or not.
10.) Cuddles: Take the cuddles while you can. As they age cuddles will grow to be extinct. Take advantage of any chances of them cuddling or loving you. When they get to old you mine as well forget about it.
The Game of Life.
He awoke on a daily basis to be the father people could only dream about having. A hard worker and someone that everyone looked up to, especially his own daughter. The man was a rather big dude in his prime. Six foot two and two hundred fifty pounds. The weight was muscle weight and not that chubby beer belly type of weight. The funniest part about him is that he wore bandannas just like Hulk Hogan did in the eighties which made him look identical to Hogan, as well. Children in the school would come out and ask his daughter if her dad was a professional wrestler. She would giggle and become embarrassed. He would egg all the children on by dressing in parachute pants, bandana and a ripped shirt like Hogan and show up to pick his daughter up. The children loved it. Any reaction of smiles really got him off.
He always talks about how the smile on children’s faces made his day as much as it made theirs. That is a inspiring way to look at life. Always putting someone else first to an extent. You always get what you put in and he put in a lot and in return had a lot. At that point in time in his life he had a great wife, a wonderful daughter, and nice things including house, job, and vehicles. Good things come to people who wait and he waited long enough. He struggled his whole life and worked hard and his dues had finally been paid. Life was on the up and up. It is the little things in life which make the greatest impact and he took advantage of that saying.
His daughter came home from school one day and was incredibly embarrassed. As all the kids peered out the small little rectangle windows of the bus and looked into the front yard they couldn’t believe their eyes. The lawn had been cut in a special way for his daughter. He mowed a large heart with her initials mowed in it. He knew all his daughters friends and all the kids on the bus would talk about how cool he was and elders would think he loved his daughter to the max. He got his point across to his now embarrassed daughter. Most children would be spoiled to have these things happen. To be shown love.
His entire life came crumbling down almost instantly. It started with the loss of his job. He had no problem finding another but nor making the same kind of money. Something had to give and something’s went unpaid. The worse thing is that he let go of more then he should. Two weeks before they were having their house foreclosed on, his wife found out through the paper and not from him. He was losing it all. His wife and daughter moved out, he lost his house, one of the cars, and everything in the house; This was all in the matter of a month or two. It doesn’t take long to lose everything but it takes so long to get things.
The point of this story is that good things come to good people. You get what you put in. Is there something everyone didn’t know that explains what happened. Until this day no one knows. We all ask repeatedly but get the same answer. A shrug and a tear. It doesn’t matter how big you are or how great of a parent you are it only takes one mistake to lose your entire life without losing your life. Life can throw curve balls at anytime and no matter how prepared you are for them you just never know which curve they may make. Every curve ball is different and you cannot prepare for them all. Just do your best in life and make every moment count.
He always talks about how the smile on children’s faces made his day as much as it made theirs. That is a inspiring way to look at life. Always putting someone else first to an extent. You always get what you put in and he put in a lot and in return had a lot. At that point in time in his life he had a great wife, a wonderful daughter, and nice things including house, job, and vehicles. Good things come to people who wait and he waited long enough. He struggled his whole life and worked hard and his dues had finally been paid. Life was on the up and up. It is the little things in life which make the greatest impact and he took advantage of that saying.
His daughter came home from school one day and was incredibly embarrassed. As all the kids peered out the small little rectangle windows of the bus and looked into the front yard they couldn’t believe their eyes. The lawn had been cut in a special way for his daughter. He mowed a large heart with her initials mowed in it. He knew all his daughters friends and all the kids on the bus would talk about how cool he was and elders would think he loved his daughter to the max. He got his point across to his now embarrassed daughter. Most children would be spoiled to have these things happen. To be shown love.
His entire life came crumbling down almost instantly. It started with the loss of his job. He had no problem finding another but nor making the same kind of money. Something had to give and something’s went unpaid. The worse thing is that he let go of more then he should. Two weeks before they were having their house foreclosed on, his wife found out through the paper and not from him. He was losing it all. His wife and daughter moved out, he lost his house, one of the cars, and everything in the house; This was all in the matter of a month or two. It doesn’t take long to lose everything but it takes so long to get things.
The point of this story is that good things come to good people. You get what you put in. Is there something everyone didn’t know that explains what happened. Until this day no one knows. We all ask repeatedly but get the same answer. A shrug and a tear. It doesn’t matter how big you are or how great of a parent you are it only takes one mistake to lose your entire life without losing your life. Life can throw curve balls at anytime and no matter how prepared you are for them you just never know which curve they may make. Every curve ball is different and you cannot prepare for them all. Just do your best in life and make every moment count.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
week 13 my precious box
I could be considered a hoarder but I don’t think I am. I always save many trinkets and others little memory artifacts for my pleasure. I have a hard time letting go of the past. Missing my childhood and never wanting to grow up is just part of my issues. I like to hear songs from my past, game systems, and other reminders from my childhood. The eighties were great and we all know that. Hair bands and Nintendo what more does anyone need. It is funny because as I go through boxes in my closet which I have no remembrance what fills these boxes.
I saved everything in my cardboard drawer. My blue cast was right on top and I almost didn’t even dare to touch this. This cast had impressionable writings on it from eighth grade friends. I could barely read some of the words on it where they have been so weathered. The cast was full of love letters from my middle school years and notes which buddies wrote back and forth to me.
It was funny to see these letters and this cast. Such simple things that brought up hurtful memories from my this time in my life. I keep around this box full precious materials to remember certain situations of my past. To other people in this world these box full of my precious memories would mean nothing. As time goes by these trinkets will always be here to remind me. Who would have any meaning for this dirty old cast full of notes from my broken ankle I had in the eighth grade.
As I dug threw this box some more I found other neat little life reminders. A rock collection from my Dad, a coin collection which I received many of them from different family members, and even something as stupid as a ring I found at Echo Beach. I keep it all and it is so “I” can look back. Then it hit me. A shimmering in the corner of my eye. I knew what it was instantly but tried to ignore this part of my life due to the immense emotion it had brought on.
My grandfathers cuff links is was this shimmering was. Why it was so dear to me was the fact he had passed away. He was a great guy and meant a lot to many people but he had a special meaning to me. These cuff links were more then just cuff links. They told a story of his life. They told a story of his struggle with cancer which he over came multiple times only to trip over his oxygen line and hit his head and pass away before his time. These cuff links had meaning to all that seen them but they had there own special meaning to me. That is why they were in my box of special items which I will remain saving through out my life and time.
I saved everything in my cardboard drawer. My blue cast was right on top and I almost didn’t even dare to touch this. This cast had impressionable writings on it from eighth grade friends. I could barely read some of the words on it where they have been so weathered. The cast was full of love letters from my middle school years and notes which buddies wrote back and forth to me.
It was funny to see these letters and this cast. Such simple things that brought up hurtful memories from my this time in my life. I keep around this box full precious materials to remember certain situations of my past. To other people in this world these box full of my precious memories would mean nothing. As time goes by these trinkets will always be here to remind me. Who would have any meaning for this dirty old cast full of notes from my broken ankle I had in the eighth grade.
As I dug threw this box some more I found other neat little life reminders. A rock collection from my Dad, a coin collection which I received many of them from different family members, and even something as stupid as a ring I found at Echo Beach. I keep it all and it is so “I” can look back. Then it hit me. A shimmering in the corner of my eye. I knew what it was instantly but tried to ignore this part of my life due to the immense emotion it had brought on.
My grandfathers cuff links is was this shimmering was. Why it was so dear to me was the fact he had passed away. He was a great guy and meant a lot to many people but he had a special meaning to me. These cuff links were more then just cuff links. They told a story of his life. They told a story of his struggle with cancer which he over came multiple times only to trip over his oxygen line and hit his head and pass away before his time. These cuff links had meaning to all that seen them but they had there own special meaning to me. That is why they were in my box of special items which I will remain saving through out my life and time.
week 13 I wanted and lost
I don’t know how it all came about but it happened. The cats were here and that is all that mattered to me. Me and my future wife lived in this small little house in which we rented. Being on a main road you would think that we would hear all the traffic passing by but we couldn’t. We enjoyed that a lot. What we enjoyed most was the company of the many people that stopped in to see us. I enjoyed all the company. Different friends and relatives all the time and even sometimes I wouldn’t even like them but I enjoyed their company still. For the want of company I got it whether it was good or not.
You had to pick and choose your battles and that was one of them. On person whom came by on the regular was my girls uncle. He was an older fellow but he took a great liking to me. Gay as could be he was but I made sure first thing their was no misunderstanding. He appreciated me being honest as everyone does and we hit it off. He was a prior chef who worked at many famous restaurants around the country and use to make me things all the time. Hopefully his potentially want for me was never an issue between us because we had a great friendship.
My birthday rolled around and I received no presents or even a call from all my so called friends. I never wasted my time caring and that’s how I grew to choose. Everyone seemed to want something from me and I blew their wants off. I knew how they really all were. People show their true colors eventually and it was a way for me to know how they are. Her uncle though, got me two great gifts and a cake. The cake was not an original cake it was a whoopee pie cake. He knew me well. The presents were great it was camping gear and I loved camping. He knew what I wanted.
Was this all because of his sexual preference. Not at all but most would insist it was. He was just a nice guy and he loved his niece. I took great care of her and he knew it. I received this call from a friend of both me and her uncles. It was disappointing. I knew he was diabetic and he went into a diabetic shock. The one man that cared for us was having health issues beyond my control. I felt helpless and I looked for a way out of this mess but all I got was a seat in the waiting room. The things you always want and care about always seem to turn into something else.
He was dead by this time. He lost his battle which he had won for years. I always seem to lose the things that are most dear to me. He was one of them. I only knew him for about 3 years but that was long enough to know he was a great guy. Bad things always happen to good people and this was another prime example of this. From this simple want of a great friend the friend was lost. I had all kinds of emotions running through me like was it my fault, I asked him for a cake (did he eat it while making it, and other questions kind of blaming myself but the simple fact was it was his time.
You had to pick and choose your battles and that was one of them. On person whom came by on the regular was my girls uncle. He was an older fellow but he took a great liking to me. Gay as could be he was but I made sure first thing their was no misunderstanding. He appreciated me being honest as everyone does and we hit it off. He was a prior chef who worked at many famous restaurants around the country and use to make me things all the time. Hopefully his potentially want for me was never an issue between us because we had a great friendship.
My birthday rolled around and I received no presents or even a call from all my so called friends. I never wasted my time caring and that’s how I grew to choose. Everyone seemed to want something from me and I blew their wants off. I knew how they really all were. People show their true colors eventually and it was a way for me to know how they are. Her uncle though, got me two great gifts and a cake. The cake was not an original cake it was a whoopee pie cake. He knew me well. The presents were great it was camping gear and I loved camping. He knew what I wanted.
Was this all because of his sexual preference. Not at all but most would insist it was. He was just a nice guy and he loved his niece. I took great care of her and he knew it. I received this call from a friend of both me and her uncles. It was disappointing. I knew he was diabetic and he went into a diabetic shock. The one man that cared for us was having health issues beyond my control. I felt helpless and I looked for a way out of this mess but all I got was a seat in the waiting room. The things you always want and care about always seem to turn into something else.
He was dead by this time. He lost his battle which he had won for years. I always seem to lose the things that are most dear to me. He was one of them. I only knew him for about 3 years but that was long enough to know he was a great guy. Bad things always happen to good people and this was another prime example of this. From this simple want of a great friend the friend was lost. I had all kinds of emotions running through me like was it my fault, I asked him for a cake (did he eat it while making it, and other questions kind of blaming myself but the simple fact was it was his time.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
week 13 Grain of sand within my hand.
Just another day being a young punk living in a small town or as Mainers would call it, city. Brewer, Maine is where I grew up as a child and where I had the most fun that a child could ask for. A lot of the things we use to do I look back now and wonder why we did the shit we did. Most of it was “childish” like you would think. Even though I call it childish you needed to hang on to your britches to survive. Parents really lacked in their parenting so we ran ramped around the trailer park which I resided.
I refrain from telling people about my child hood because they will either think badly of me or feel so bad for me. It is kind of a catch twenty two with my life. I remember it all started around Christmas. We were out shopping, me, my brother and my mom, when I saw something I wanted. It wasn’t like I wanted some expensive oversized toy. What I wanted was a little tiny Christmas stocking. By little tiny, I mean it could barely fit a package of Hubba Bubba gum. I had to have it though, it drew me in like a kid in a candy shop. It was going to be mine.
I asked my mother if I could please have it and she told me no. Well I wasn’t taking no for an answer. So, when she wasn’t looking I through it in one of the bags that had already been checked out. This stocking was MINE… When we got home, of course, my mother saw it. Instead of getting in trouble, she chuckled. This egged me on to do this some more. I was three and a thief. A outlaw and I was no robin hood. I was stealing from the rich and I was the poor. If my mom would have been a mom and told me it was bad and done the parental thing, maybe all the negative may have left my childhood.
We were at Shop ‘n’ Save getting a few groceries not two long after my prior theft and the rush I had prior came over me once again. I saw a bin of lighters. They use to have lighters back when I was a child in big bins at the check out isles. So I grabbed a few. I knew what I was doing was wrong but no one was their to tell me so. As a child you see the world as a grain of sand. You don’t understand the way life works. How time goes by or how the flowers bloom. I had the world in the palm of my hand but at this moment it was a few lights of all colors.
I stashed these lighters behind the shed by our trailer and saved them for a rainy day. That rainy day came, but not literally, me and a few friends had gotten together at a fort we had in the trees outback. Once again, I held the world within a grain of sand upon my hand and little did I know these next few actions could have made me live eternally, but not alive. We lit the woods on fire. It is disturbing to talk about due to how this could have been avoided by parents just being their for us children. As the grass and trees started to really get going in flame we heard the sirens.
The sirens screamed toward us and we were panicking. What the heck did we do! Why the heck did we do this! All these feelings were screaming through my body. It seemed as time stopped but it sure didn’t. People were running towards were we had done this disgraceful deed. I knew something had to give and it wasn’t going to be me. We all scattered into the bushes and I knew I had a spot that made me invincible. Stupid us we hid next to the small blaze at this time. As people by the dozen showed up to put this fire out, I knew we got over our heads this time.
They found all the rest of my crew and I was thanking god at this point they didn’t find me. I heard the talking of the firemen to my friends. They didn’t give me up though, thank god. As I returned home I got the wrath of my Dad whom just happen to return home at the worse time possible for me. Not just the wrath of my father but next thing I knew we had to go to the Brewer Police Department for lighting the woods on fire and for stealing lighters. Why the hell would I ever do this. What was I thinking. I thought I ruled the world upon a grain of sand within my hand. I held the world upon my palm and cared not for the feelings or thoughts of anyone else.
I refrain from telling people about my child hood because they will either think badly of me or feel so bad for me. It is kind of a catch twenty two with my life. I remember it all started around Christmas. We were out shopping, me, my brother and my mom, when I saw something I wanted. It wasn’t like I wanted some expensive oversized toy. What I wanted was a little tiny Christmas stocking. By little tiny, I mean it could barely fit a package of Hubba Bubba gum. I had to have it though, it drew me in like a kid in a candy shop. It was going to be mine.
I asked my mother if I could please have it and she told me no. Well I wasn’t taking no for an answer. So, when she wasn’t looking I through it in one of the bags that had already been checked out. This stocking was MINE… When we got home, of course, my mother saw it. Instead of getting in trouble, she chuckled. This egged me on to do this some more. I was three and a thief. A outlaw and I was no robin hood. I was stealing from the rich and I was the poor. If my mom would have been a mom and told me it was bad and done the parental thing, maybe all the negative may have left my childhood.
We were at Shop ‘n’ Save getting a few groceries not two long after my prior theft and the rush I had prior came over me once again. I saw a bin of lighters. They use to have lighters back when I was a child in big bins at the check out isles. So I grabbed a few. I knew what I was doing was wrong but no one was their to tell me so. As a child you see the world as a grain of sand. You don’t understand the way life works. How time goes by or how the flowers bloom. I had the world in the palm of my hand but at this moment it was a few lights of all colors.
I stashed these lighters behind the shed by our trailer and saved them for a rainy day. That rainy day came, but not literally, me and a few friends had gotten together at a fort we had in the trees outback. Once again, I held the world within a grain of sand upon my hand and little did I know these next few actions could have made me live eternally, but not alive. We lit the woods on fire. It is disturbing to talk about due to how this could have been avoided by parents just being their for us children. As the grass and trees started to really get going in flame we heard the sirens.
The sirens screamed toward us and we were panicking. What the heck did we do! Why the heck did we do this! All these feelings were screaming through my body. It seemed as time stopped but it sure didn’t. People were running towards were we had done this disgraceful deed. I knew something had to give and it wasn’t going to be me. We all scattered into the bushes and I knew I had a spot that made me invincible. Stupid us we hid next to the small blaze at this time. As people by the dozen showed up to put this fire out, I knew we got over our heads this time.
They found all the rest of my crew and I was thanking god at this point they didn’t find me. I heard the talking of the firemen to my friends. They didn’t give me up though, thank god. As I returned home I got the wrath of my Dad whom just happen to return home at the worse time possible for me. Not just the wrath of my father but next thing I knew we had to go to the Brewer Police Department for lighting the woods on fire and for stealing lighters. Why the hell would I ever do this. What was I thinking. I thought I ruled the world upon a grain of sand within my hand. I held the world upon my palm and cared not for the feelings or thoughts of anyone else.
week 13 from small to big or big to small
The day starts out rather slow and steady as I roll out of bed and do the usual, morning day off routine. This starts with me pulling my mask off my face, which I use in order to get a good night sleep, but this morning it wasn’t on. I’m no fortune teller but I can tell I’m going to be ignorantly tired all day since I chose not to put on my mask. I know this makes me so tired not using it but I still do it. Usually my wife will wake me up with an elbow to the ribs telling me to “put my damn mask on” in a rather vicious way though. As I sit on the edge of my bed and pull up my sweats I try to remember the simple task that my, once in a blue moon, day off has in reserve for me. I have nothing planned, as of yet. I usually don’t try and plan things I am more of a, go with the flow, kind of guy.
This morning had gotten my full attention rather quickly as I looked out the window and saw all kinds of that white stuff, yuck. I really cannot complain due to the great year we have had thus far. I remember as a kid sometimes putting on a snow suit just to go trick or treating. I know what all this snow means for my day off, kill it. Soooo, as I was rather comfy in my sweats I was within minutes of changing into jeans, sweatshirt, wool socks, and most important of all, my carhartt jacket, hat and gloves. I knew this storm was coming and the night before was out until 10:30 pm firing up my plow truck. The truck doesn’t run but a handful of times a year. It takes a little finessing to get the truck ready. I got the magic hands.
One tire was flat and it was out of gas which wasn’t that bad considering. Little did I know, at the time, that filling the tire up was no simple task. After firing the truck up I drove it to the house so I could pump up the flat tire. With the muffler unhooked I drove carefully down to the house. For as slow as I was going, it sounded like I was racing on the Daytona 500 track at full speed. I could see the neighbors looking out their windows at me; I just smiled and waved. What else could I do when it was 10 at night. The tire was quite a challenge. I had gotten to the house and tried repeatedly to pump this frozen tire up but it wouldn’t take the air. The seal was comprised due to sitting for such a long time. I was just about to quit when I realized I would be easier to just jack up the truck, so that what I did. Now that this tire was full I parked the truck and was ready for the day.
Snow littered the ground in such a way to say, “I am winter let it snow.” I took the challenge head on but was only about half prepared. I went out and knew the truck was ready for me. I gave it a little shot of ether, why it needs it to start I don’t know but it works, and broom broom the truck fired up first turn of the key. “Thank god,” I thought to myself. The plowing was a bit chilly due to the two side windows half covered with plastic, my head sticking out the window due to the wipers not working, but one thing proved strong the truck pushing the snow with ease. I was proud and was doing a great job. I was like a dog riding in a vehicle without my tongue hanging out. My eye brows were frozen and the road was just about done.
The truck, with only 3 or 4 gallons in it, ran out of gas. This was bad timing but was a blessing in disguise. The blessing was that I didn’t have to plow anymore but the bad timing was I ran out right in the middle of a steep hill. I pumped the peddle hoping it would pick up a splash of gas but it didn’t. It died out and I was sliding backwards. Uh oh….. I had the plow up so I dropped it real quick to aid in stopping the truck from sliding backwards. Oh man here I go. I hated this feeling of no control. The brakes were weak but still did nothing to slow my slide. I finally decided it was now or never. I cut the wheel and put the truck in the ditch. By this time I had gained a little speed sliding so when I hit the unforgiving ditch I lunged me forcefully into the seat.
I got out a little shaken up from the slide and little winded from the scare. Heart racing and truck stuck I didn’t care. I was done plowing for the day. I walked away glancing back at the truck as to thank it for its job that it did. My long driveway was plowed and that’s all that mattered at this point in time. I had a quarter mile walk home which was going to be a little chilly but other then that the day had gone pretty swell. I figured I would go out after the storm and yank out the truck so until then the ditch is its resting place. It could have died in a worse spot such as the middle of the road but it didn’t. I stumbled through the front door and my wife had hot chocolate for me all ready with those little marshmallows and I knew from here on it was going to be a good day.
This morning had gotten my full attention rather quickly as I looked out the window and saw all kinds of that white stuff, yuck. I really cannot complain due to the great year we have had thus far. I remember as a kid sometimes putting on a snow suit just to go trick or treating. I know what all this snow means for my day off, kill it. Soooo, as I was rather comfy in my sweats I was within minutes of changing into jeans, sweatshirt, wool socks, and most important of all, my carhartt jacket, hat and gloves. I knew this storm was coming and the night before was out until 10:30 pm firing up my plow truck. The truck doesn’t run but a handful of times a year. It takes a little finessing to get the truck ready. I got the magic hands.
One tire was flat and it was out of gas which wasn’t that bad considering. Little did I know, at the time, that filling the tire up was no simple task. After firing the truck up I drove it to the house so I could pump up the flat tire. With the muffler unhooked I drove carefully down to the house. For as slow as I was going, it sounded like I was racing on the Daytona 500 track at full speed. I could see the neighbors looking out their windows at me; I just smiled and waved. What else could I do when it was 10 at night. The tire was quite a challenge. I had gotten to the house and tried repeatedly to pump this frozen tire up but it wouldn’t take the air. The seal was comprised due to sitting for such a long time. I was just about to quit when I realized I would be easier to just jack up the truck, so that what I did. Now that this tire was full I parked the truck and was ready for the day.
Snow littered the ground in such a way to say, “I am winter let it snow.” I took the challenge head on but was only about half prepared. I went out and knew the truck was ready for me. I gave it a little shot of ether, why it needs it to start I don’t know but it works, and broom broom the truck fired up first turn of the key. “Thank god,” I thought to myself. The plowing was a bit chilly due to the two side windows half covered with plastic, my head sticking out the window due to the wipers not working, but one thing proved strong the truck pushing the snow with ease. I was proud and was doing a great job. I was like a dog riding in a vehicle without my tongue hanging out. My eye brows were frozen and the road was just about done.
The truck, with only 3 or 4 gallons in it, ran out of gas. This was bad timing but was a blessing in disguise. The blessing was that I didn’t have to plow anymore but the bad timing was I ran out right in the middle of a steep hill. I pumped the peddle hoping it would pick up a splash of gas but it didn’t. It died out and I was sliding backwards. Uh oh….. I had the plow up so I dropped it real quick to aid in stopping the truck from sliding backwards. Oh man here I go. I hated this feeling of no control. The brakes were weak but still did nothing to slow my slide. I finally decided it was now or never. I cut the wheel and put the truck in the ditch. By this time I had gained a little speed sliding so when I hit the unforgiving ditch I lunged me forcefully into the seat.
I got out a little shaken up from the slide and little winded from the scare. Heart racing and truck stuck I didn’t care. I was done plowing for the day. I walked away glancing back at the truck as to thank it for its job that it did. My long driveway was plowed and that’s all that mattered at this point in time. I had a quarter mile walk home which was going to be a little chilly but other then that the day had gone pretty swell. I figured I would go out after the storm and yank out the truck so until then the ditch is its resting place. It could have died in a worse spot such as the middle of the road but it didn’t. I stumbled through the front door and my wife had hot chocolate for me all ready with those little marshmallows and I knew from here on it was going to be a good day.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The most amazing person I met
I couldn’t have asked to meet a better person,
The man I met not saying on damn cursing,
My words no matter how harsh,
Played no effect like water on a marsh,
I met this man in the man in the grocery store,
He made this place far from a bore,
We got to talking about things,
Even with the interference as his phone rings,
Was it your wife I told him,
It was these words I think that sold him,
He had it tough I thought,
As his wife called back and they fought,
When he was done,
We left off were we started,
He grabbed a ham bone,
As he lifted it he farted,
This man had no shame in his game,
This man I had not even known his name,
We pushed on to finish this shopping,’
So much I wanted to get home so wine bottles I could be popping,
I invited him back to my place,
He gave me such a look on his face,
I could tell something was going on,
The thought of a drink made him not want to come along,
As I finished up and pushed out my cart,
I pulled out the parking lot of Wal-Mart,
The man was in disarray,
As I got home he was in the drive way,
I looked to see him in the rear view,
Thank god I met this great man, phew.
I found out why we had so much alike,
I found out his name was Mike.
Mike was my name,
This man was me and this was all just a game,
This was the most amazing person I could have met,
The most important person to me I bet.
The man I met not saying on damn cursing,
My words no matter how harsh,
Played no effect like water on a marsh,
I met this man in the man in the grocery store,
He made this place far from a bore,
We got to talking about things,
Even with the interference as his phone rings,
Was it your wife I told him,
It was these words I think that sold him,
He had it tough I thought,
As his wife called back and they fought,
When he was done,
We left off were we started,
He grabbed a ham bone,
As he lifted it he farted,
This man had no shame in his game,
This man I had not even known his name,
We pushed on to finish this shopping,’
So much I wanted to get home so wine bottles I could be popping,
I invited him back to my place,
He gave me such a look on his face,
I could tell something was going on,
The thought of a drink made him not want to come along,
As I finished up and pushed out my cart,
I pulled out the parking lot of Wal-Mart,
The man was in disarray,
As I got home he was in the drive way,
I looked to see him in the rear view,
Thank god I met this great man, phew.
I found out why we had so much alike,
I found out his name was Mike.
Mike was my name,
This man was me and this was all just a game,
This was the most amazing person I could have met,
The most important person to me I bet.
50 ways to break off a relationship
1.) It’s you not me.
2.) It’s me not you.
3.) It’s the dog.
4.) It’s the cat.
5.) I feel stuck.
6.) I don’t like you.
7.) You deserve better than me.
8.) I deserve better than you.
9.) We are just total opposite.
10.) We want different things.
11.) You don’t respect me.
12.) Are you even happy?
13.) Because I’m not happy.
14.) I can just scare her away.
15.) Act like a jerk.
16.) Be disrespectful.
17.) Tell her you cheated on her.
18.) Be honest they always want you to be honest….yeah right.
19.) Don’t go home.
20.) Put her stuff outside.
21.) Serve her paper.
22.) You better get a restraining order if you choose any of these ways out.
23.) Don’t clean and she will eventually leave.
24.) Get things she never let you get example a dog.
25.) Tell her your broke and most of them are out.
26.) Get fat… but then you hurt yourself.
27.) Do drugs.
28.) Go out all the time without her permission.
29.) Be a mooch.
30.) Act really needed.
31.) Be over protective… it always drives them away.
32.) Cheat on her but that is horrible.
33.) Leave some fake face book message on your computer.
34.) Sign up for a dating site such as Zoosk.
35.) Do you even have to tell her anything?
36.) Tell her you are not attracted to her anymore.
37.) You grew apart.
38.) Talk about her sister or mother.
39.) Go through her phone and purse and purposely get caught.
40.) Is telling her she is fat to harsh?
41.) I’m running out of things to say now it is just do.
42.) Don’t come home.
43.) Ah hah.. I got the best one. Text her I am breaking up with you.
44.) Send her flowers to her work with a card… Sorry honey.
45.) Take her to a public place and maybe she wont create a scene.
46.) Send her a E-Card saying you are splitting it off.
47.) Do tell her anything.
48.) Flirt with her friends.
49.) Do something bad enough so maybe she will break up with you. At least she will feel better about herself.
50.) Tell her you are gay and finally found yourself. Just don’t get caught dating someone down the line. I guess you could always say being gay didn’t work out but you had to try.
Disclaimer: Do not recreate or you any of these ways to split off a relationship. I am a professional. Use safety and care when saying or doing any of these things to break up with a lover. I am in no way responsible for her or your repercussions.
2.) It’s me not you.
3.) It’s the dog.
4.) It’s the cat.
5.) I feel stuck.
6.) I don’t like you.
7.) You deserve better than me.
8.) I deserve better than you.
9.) We are just total opposite.
10.) We want different things.
11.) You don’t respect me.
12.) Are you even happy?
13.) Because I’m not happy.
14.) I can just scare her away.
15.) Act like a jerk.
16.) Be disrespectful.
17.) Tell her you cheated on her.
18.) Be honest they always want you to be honest….yeah right.
19.) Don’t go home.
20.) Put her stuff outside.
21.) Serve her paper.
22.) You better get a restraining order if you choose any of these ways out.
23.) Don’t clean and she will eventually leave.
24.) Get things she never let you get example a dog.
25.) Tell her your broke and most of them are out.
26.) Get fat… but then you hurt yourself.
27.) Do drugs.
28.) Go out all the time without her permission.
29.) Be a mooch.
30.) Act really needed.
31.) Be over protective… it always drives them away.
32.) Cheat on her but that is horrible.
33.) Leave some fake face book message on your computer.
34.) Sign up for a dating site such as Zoosk.
35.) Do you even have to tell her anything?
36.) Tell her you are not attracted to her anymore.
37.) You grew apart.
38.) Talk about her sister or mother.
39.) Go through her phone and purse and purposely get caught.
40.) Is telling her she is fat to harsh?
41.) I’m running out of things to say now it is just do.
42.) Don’t come home.
43.) Ah hah.. I got the best one. Text her I am breaking up with you.
44.) Send her flowers to her work with a card… Sorry honey.
45.) Take her to a public place and maybe she wont create a scene.
46.) Send her a E-Card saying you are splitting it off.
47.) Do tell her anything.
48.) Flirt with her friends.
49.) Do something bad enough so maybe she will break up with you. At least she will feel better about herself.
50.) Tell her you are gay and finally found yourself. Just don’t get caught dating someone down the line. I guess you could always say being gay didn’t work out but you had to try.
Disclaimer: Do not recreate or you any of these ways to split off a relationship. I am a professional. Use safety and care when saying or doing any of these things to break up with a lover. I am in no way responsible for her or your repercussions.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Sex, drugs, rock n roll, and uh oh....
Talking about sex, drugs, and rock n roll is something I really can appreciate. Maybe I used the wrong word there due to my abusing of all of them. How do you abuse sex. I was raised you could never have to much. The only thing my father taught me was one I pass up is one I will never get. That makes me a slut. Bahumbug. I’ll take that but I am, however, a guy so how cool can that be being a man whore. It was cool when I was 20. I regret it all but wouldn’t take anything back except the part of going over board. Ten months ago I called it quits. I have been sober for ten months to long. I often wonder if that makes me a quitter. I was taught not to be a quitter.
I am kind of nervous for Thanksgiving. Not only will their be a party in my mouth, and I am talking about the food you pervert, but their will be many friends and family and the highlight, the football game. Maybe I will be able to eat more. Nothing wrong with that except my 100 extra pounds I possess on my bones. I mean, I’m not fat I am just big boned. Can that be true? If so I got some BIG bones. At this moment I am trying to take my mind off the thought of the Bud Non-Alcoholics I may have to have.
It is really not that bad having a drink. I think we all have some stories that take us beyond humility. I was never a person who blacked out, thank god. The good part about that is I got to watch others black out. Drinking really has no humor that comes with it but being drunk does. I have seen everything from people pooping their pants to waking up next to their brother. What happened beyond that I don’t think I want to know. That may have played a factor in my sobriety. No need to call my sponsor I can just call my self and ask, “Do you want anything like that to happen to you?” Who would.
I look back and think what the hell was I doing when I was eight and putting back a Milwaukee’s Best. That should have turned me off quicker then a cheetah chasing its tale. Nothing better then getting blitzed and taken advantage of other and getting in trouble and hurting innocent bystanders for no other reason but to complete the vicious circle of sex, drugs, and rock n roll.
I am kind of nervous for Thanksgiving. Not only will their be a party in my mouth, and I am talking about the food you pervert, but their will be many friends and family and the highlight, the football game. Maybe I will be able to eat more. Nothing wrong with that except my 100 extra pounds I possess on my bones. I mean, I’m not fat I am just big boned. Can that be true? If so I got some BIG bones. At this moment I am trying to take my mind off the thought of the Bud Non-Alcoholics I may have to have.
It is really not that bad having a drink. I think we all have some stories that take us beyond humility. I was never a person who blacked out, thank god. The good part about that is I got to watch others black out. Drinking really has no humor that comes with it but being drunk does. I have seen everything from people pooping their pants to waking up next to their brother. What happened beyond that I don’t think I want to know. That may have played a factor in my sobriety. No need to call my sponsor I can just call my self and ask, “Do you want anything like that to happen to you?” Who would.
I look back and think what the hell was I doing when I was eight and putting back a Milwaukee’s Best. That should have turned me off quicker then a cheetah chasing its tale. Nothing better then getting blitzed and taken advantage of other and getting in trouble and hurting innocent bystanders for no other reason but to complete the vicious circle of sex, drugs, and rock n roll.
Week 12 Risky Piece... Maybe too risky...?
I am always in my own head and seem to be stuck. My mind winds up more then a jack in the box and even seems to jump out at the end. I just wish there was a song to go with it. Right now there seem to be nothing but Ghost Adventures in the background and goose bumps bigger then my eighth grade pimples. I just wish I could pop my goose bumps because at this moment my nipples could cut glass.
I am embraced by my blanket trying to keep warm, this very night, in which the thermometer reads less then my age. It urkes me that this chill hurts my bones more every year I gain a year. I keep the heat turned down for my own selfish reason, money. The more I really think about it though, it may just be to toughen up my wife. Why would I want to make my wife more manly though? Maybe because I am awesome and she should be more like me. I would love to date myself except for the part we lack as a man. I’m really not that attractive though. I think I’m more scary then these ghost that just popped out on my Ghost Adventure show. They have got nothing on me except age.
My wife is a great girl but half the battle in my mind is her. Family life can be hard and this rare night of me just sitting here all alone, a boob tube for noise and the occasional glance at the screen, and the chance to do some homework. The last two or three weeks I seemed to fall off. It has been so crazy. One little change in our schedule can seem to change the whole space time contagion. To top off my wife’s schedule change, my son got strep throat. When it rains it pours. Why couldn’t it pour something besides problems. Money would be good but what is new, I think we all ask for that. It’s like the 3 wishes that someone gets but one of them you would ask for infinity wishes. Come on now.
With my son sleeping and my wife leaving me completely alone…..weird…I can hear the freshly cleaned fish tank babbling. It sound so much better then my kids and wife babbling. It is a hell of a job caring for our salt water fish tank. I haven’t bothered cleaning it for months. We only have one fish left so I had a, “What’s the point attitude.” Don’t tell ASPCA. Poor fishy. Nemo got me back though. As I reached deep in the tank to get the scum off the live rocks, I was attacked by a one inch Jaws. It hurt like a son of a gun surprisingly. I mean, this fish, didn’t just nibble like when you dip your toes off the dock in a school of sunfish, he was like a dog playing tug of war. He bit and shook. What the hell is that? He is a clown fish not a dog fish. I guess I got what I deserved.
I finally got a little company in my 2 hours of alone time. It is a human though. Phew… My cat Clyde. People think I’m crazy but this cat is no ordinary cat, so I think. I talk to him like he is human. Have I lost it? “Who are you talking to?” my son or wife will ask. I am alone with my son and SpongeBob. That can really wear on a man. I never wanted to grow up and be some old stick in the mud but I didn’t plan on walking around quoting SpongeBob. Maybe I just need a hobby! Yeah…..A hobby is what I need…..
I am embraced by my blanket trying to keep warm, this very night, in which the thermometer reads less then my age. It urkes me that this chill hurts my bones more every year I gain a year. I keep the heat turned down for my own selfish reason, money. The more I really think about it though, it may just be to toughen up my wife. Why would I want to make my wife more manly though? Maybe because I am awesome and she should be more like me. I would love to date myself except for the part we lack as a man. I’m really not that attractive though. I think I’m more scary then these ghost that just popped out on my Ghost Adventure show. They have got nothing on me except age.
My wife is a great girl but half the battle in my mind is her. Family life can be hard and this rare night of me just sitting here all alone, a boob tube for noise and the occasional glance at the screen, and the chance to do some homework. The last two or three weeks I seemed to fall off. It has been so crazy. One little change in our schedule can seem to change the whole space time contagion. To top off my wife’s schedule change, my son got strep throat. When it rains it pours. Why couldn’t it pour something besides problems. Money would be good but what is new, I think we all ask for that. It’s like the 3 wishes that someone gets but one of them you would ask for infinity wishes. Come on now.
With my son sleeping and my wife leaving me completely alone…..weird…I can hear the freshly cleaned fish tank babbling. It sound so much better then my kids and wife babbling. It is a hell of a job caring for our salt water fish tank. I haven’t bothered cleaning it for months. We only have one fish left so I had a, “What’s the point attitude.” Don’t tell ASPCA. Poor fishy. Nemo got me back though. As I reached deep in the tank to get the scum off the live rocks, I was attacked by a one inch Jaws. It hurt like a son of a gun surprisingly. I mean, this fish, didn’t just nibble like when you dip your toes off the dock in a school of sunfish, he was like a dog playing tug of war. He bit and shook. What the hell is that? He is a clown fish not a dog fish. I guess I got what I deserved.
I finally got a little company in my 2 hours of alone time. It is a human though. Phew… My cat Clyde. People think I’m crazy but this cat is no ordinary cat, so I think. I talk to him like he is human. Have I lost it? “Who are you talking to?” my son or wife will ask. I am alone with my son and SpongeBob. That can really wear on a man. I never wanted to grow up and be some old stick in the mud but I didn’t plan on walking around quoting SpongeBob. Maybe I just need a hobby! Yeah…..A hobby is what I need…..
Sunday, November 13, 2011
week 11 writing
A new job. A new boss. I tried to enlighten myself with the appearance of this run down work truck. New signs on the side saying Springbrook Management. Do looks matter? Obviously not to the customers. There was no rust but it was more less the thick slew of dirt the over took the paint. On the back was written, “wash me.” Someone knew the truck needed aid. I peaked through the window waiting for my charriotte door to open. The lock made that sound telling me it was okay to enter. I didn’t know if I should trust this side step. Would it hold the weight it was about to have to bare? I wasn’t about to take that chance. It was a long way up and my short legs struggle to get into the cab of the truck. The interior was dark gray. It didn’t hide the stains well. The dust was thick. It had the appearance of a light brown dash rug. Sharpies played a large role in the character of this truck. Someone must own no paper due to the close to fifty numbers writing through out the cab of the truck. It was like the yellow pages puked in the truck. Yet with all this dirt lied a green pine tree scent. What was the purpose it couldn’t help the wreaking of a hard days work that filled the truck. This truck had all the bells and whistles of what a man should she be familiarized with. As the motor purred and we set off…. I knew I was in for a good hard day of work with little play. Other then a slight vibration and the humming of the off road tires this truck was beautiful.. This told me to not judge a book by its cover.
week 11 uncle henrys
Free for the taking:
Tearing down a house. Everything must go.
Oh my the horror which goes beyond. Beyond time, space and everything holy and unholy. Seems to be no rhym or reason for tearing a place down. The things that could lay upon this building. How big was it. Was there siding or windows? The ad left me in suspense. I hate not knowing the details. I go with the flow but also have a plan. There was no plan except it all must go. I didn’t know what to make of it. The people did have one thought in mind and it was to not waste. Money must of not have been an issue for it was all free. Nothing seems to be free. It will cost you something whether it is money or not. It will cost you time if not anything else. This ad reaffirms the saying what goes up must come down because it was coming down no matter. Something had to be erected from rubble that was to soon be. This was some kind of starting over. Sometimes it’s better to start fresh and rid the rest. New is not always better and I fear they don’t know that. The history would be lost of the old building. People had memories in this house which lined the building on the inside and out.. Any chip, scrap, dent or stain could tell a history of someone else’s past time. We all have seen the movies which they travel to their place where they grew up. Most of the time it is run down or a pile of rubble. Which is sad to have crushed decades of someone’s Values. They may have learn everything from crawling to calculus. They learned how to be a person, hopefully learned morals… respect… politeness and other vital teachings. The ad was a good thing. It gave these belongings the chance to grow new memories in someone else’s house, camp, or garage. Waste makes haste. Another mans trash is another mans treasure and this is what this ad represented. It was to rob from Knottingham and give to the needy. The man or woman to have done this ad was a strangers robin hood. It feels good to give and maybe that was the reason for the ad… Either way this ad was fortified the kindness that was to come out of this short ad.
Tearing down a house. Everything must go.
Oh my the horror which goes beyond. Beyond time, space and everything holy and unholy. Seems to be no rhym or reason for tearing a place down. The things that could lay upon this building. How big was it. Was there siding or windows? The ad left me in suspense. I hate not knowing the details. I go with the flow but also have a plan. There was no plan except it all must go. I didn’t know what to make of it. The people did have one thought in mind and it was to not waste. Money must of not have been an issue for it was all free. Nothing seems to be free. It will cost you something whether it is money or not. It will cost you time if not anything else. This ad reaffirms the saying what goes up must come down because it was coming down no matter. Something had to be erected from rubble that was to soon be. This was some kind of starting over. Sometimes it’s better to start fresh and rid the rest. New is not always better and I fear they don’t know that. The history would be lost of the old building. People had memories in this house which lined the building on the inside and out.. Any chip, scrap, dent or stain could tell a history of someone else’s past time. We all have seen the movies which they travel to their place where they grew up. Most of the time it is run down or a pile of rubble. Which is sad to have crushed decades of someone’s Values. They may have learn everything from crawling to calculus. They learned how to be a person, hopefully learned morals… respect… politeness and other vital teachings. The ad was a good thing. It gave these belongings the chance to grow new memories in someone else’s house, camp, or garage. Waste makes haste. Another mans trash is another mans treasure and this is what this ad represented. It was to rob from Knottingham and give to the needy. The man or woman to have done this ad was a strangers robin hood. It feels good to give and maybe that was the reason for the ad… Either way this ad was fortified the kindness that was to come out of this short ad.
Week 11 My tool
One tool is the tool that everyone needs but really take for granted. This tool is with us all the time and really makes or breaks a person life or all living creature. The tool is the air we breathe. A sigh…. A breathe of fresh dewy air…… a sneeze, cough or yawn…. Life…. They all need oxygen. It is a tool which we physically use on a daily basis but yet we take for granted this necessity. It is beautiful. The beauty it create is everything around us and can be especially shown in trees. The trees flourish with great green leaves sucking up the toxic air we all do not want to breathe to produce more loving air for us. The beauty is me and you. The beauty is our children. All us parents can remember their child. First thing they do besides cry is to take that first deep breathe of that wonderful O2.… Could you imagine a child without it. Anything without this passes. A whale under water must always come up for that a tool which will be used for his life.
As I look across the leafless terrain I know without breathing the air is chilled. The tool is still doing its job but no tool works all the time. When my grandfather became ill, his tool for life was his green bottle of oxygen. The bottle being green was significant to me for it wreaked of life. It spawned his future for a little longer and that was the greatest tool that anyone could wish for. it’s the little things in life that we all take for granted. Mother Earth is like a swiss army knife it has a tool for everything. Some are always more important then others and can be used for multiple things. That was obvious as this air I breathed blew my hair around. It made me cold. It made sounds as to come alive. It enabled the birds to fly around in front of the house. It allowed them to tweet and the sugar to be sweet.
I then began to use my tool in an extraordinary way. I lit a fire. Earth as my garage to keep my tool safe had just what I wanted again. I was able to cook….. Stay warm…. And the thing my son loved….. Toasting marshmallow.
As I look across the leafless terrain I know without breathing the air is chilled. The tool is still doing its job but no tool works all the time. When my grandfather became ill, his tool for life was his green bottle of oxygen. The bottle being green was significant to me for it wreaked of life. It spawned his future for a little longer and that was the greatest tool that anyone could wish for. it’s the little things in life that we all take for granted. Mother Earth is like a swiss army knife it has a tool for everything. Some are always more important then others and can be used for multiple things. That was obvious as this air I breathed blew my hair around. It made me cold. It made sounds as to come alive. It enabled the birds to fly around in front of the house. It allowed them to tweet and the sugar to be sweet.
I then began to use my tool in an extraordinary way. I lit a fire. Earth as my garage to keep my tool safe had just what I wanted again. I was able to cook….. Stay warm…. And the thing my son loved….. Toasting marshmallow.
week 11 sidewalk
Passing another block. I look cautiously around in order not to slip in between the cracks. I can feel the tension of the tar. Everyone crevice tells a story and as I walk over each one I am creating another story that this side walk can tell. Grass trickles up through some of these splits which explains the lack of cigarette butts. The indifference of each one tells me the situation of the person who discarded this filter. We all need some kind of filter for life and a filter for the little piles of spit. Light and white and thick and brown. All textures of phlegm. You can tell the dry mouths from the smokers to the sicken people. I try to dodge these germs that send fear through my sneakers as I made my way to the Tia restaurant in downtown Bangor. I try to read the creases as I would a palm of a hand to see its future. I started receiving what was to become of this well traveled path in life when the darkened asphalt turns into a checkered pattern of small blocks. Red is the color of anger and that was no coincidence. The bottoms of my “souls” have become tattered with the sidewalk virus. The bricks must have been a time consumption for whom ever laid these down, block after block. Rectangles flowed in a pattern which represented a weaved stitching on mother Earth. These blocks where flush and abutted the prior tar walk way which was my trail at this time. The trail may have crosswalk which lay within them but the path never stops. Every road may have bumps within but it gets you where you are going. I was now there just in the nick of time. I step through the restaurant door as a cold rain showered the over dry walkway. The rain enlightens the color and brought out the beauty I never saw before. The moment was perfect and I wish it was the sidewalk that wasn’t cracked and it was the hands of time. This moment could last forever.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Where they begin they will be back
I grew up in a small town. Dedham, Maine exactly. We all are so close. Family and friends literally next door. Their parents and their parents parent’s are all still living here. Everyone always has dreams of leaving some where different then this small ignorant town. We call them Pipe Dreams. This town is littered with pot heads. They all have these big dreams to do big things and nothing ever changes. Even their grass is long. That shows their simpleness. Their laziness.
Every year or every other year someone that talks about leaving does. They plan on never coming back. I know they will be home though. We actually bet on when they will return. Or who they will call when they run out of money from partying or wearing their welcome out. Typically the place they go is Florida. Big surprise. Everyone dreams about going there. No one ever takes off for more then 6 months.
I have my money on 5 months. Cousin after cousin and friend after friend. Move and come back. They come back with horror stories. These people are not regular people. They are drug addict losers. I hate to call them friend. They are more like people I grew up with. I have no choice to like them. I Am stuck with them. Neighbors and family members. Here there and every where. Some time they will get so fucked up they will just start driving down. Sometimes little or no money in their pockets. They wonder why it never last.
It doesn’t really matter where they begin from. They will be back. I’m sure it happens in other towns and not just my town. We all have big dreams of getting out of this cold whether. Florida is beautiful. Beautiful beaches, water, weather, and of course women. What’s not to love about the thought of living there. Especially compared to here. I have the same dream. I Haven’t followed through with mine. Am I scared to? That is maybe a little of it. Most of it is my wife. She has no want to move there. Opinions are like assholes we all have one.
Every year or every other year someone that talks about leaving does. They plan on never coming back. I know they will be home though. We actually bet on when they will return. Or who they will call when they run out of money from partying or wearing their welcome out. Typically the place they go is Florida. Big surprise. Everyone dreams about going there. No one ever takes off for more then 6 months.
I have my money on 5 months. Cousin after cousin and friend after friend. Move and come back. They come back with horror stories. These people are not regular people. They are drug addict losers. I hate to call them friend. They are more like people I grew up with. I have no choice to like them. I Am stuck with them. Neighbors and family members. Here there and every where. Some time they will get so fucked up they will just start driving down. Sometimes little or no money in their pockets. They wonder why it never last.
It doesn’t really matter where they begin from. They will be back. I’m sure it happens in other towns and not just my town. We all have big dreams of getting out of this cold whether. Florida is beautiful. Beautiful beaches, water, weather, and of course women. What’s not to love about the thought of living there. Especially compared to here. I have the same dream. I Haven’t followed through with mine. Am I scared to? That is maybe a little of it. Most of it is my wife. She has no want to move there. Opinions are like assholes we all have one.
Just a dream
Dreams can be such a interesting time in a person life. They can take you any where in the world. Places that don’t even exist. In dreams they do. They can mean different things. They can be perceived in many ways. They give you something to do while you sleep. It gives people a chance to go on that vacation they cannot afford. We do sleep a third of your life so I suppose you need to make the best of it.
Certain dreams I like more then others. I have one dream that I have all of the time. It is scary. Most of the time it happens when I sleep on the couch. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it. The couch to me is the comfiest place in the world. My legs kicked up. Head buried in my chest. Blanket is on my but not covering me. And of course the cats beside my head. Perfect set up for that dream I regularly have upon the couch.
In this dream I am against my will climbing stairs of this unknown building. Stair cases in sky scrapers are so unsettling. Quite. Echoing. Concrete and steel. Thirty floors up they are the same every floor. You are trapped. No getting out. In this particular dream the stair case has no windows but they are switched up once and awhile and windows are added. No one ever takes the stairs. So when you see someone it makes it that much worse.
I always look at the stairs and they always have cracks all over them. How are they holding you up. I just don’t get it. Big cracks all over. Every stair you step on it makes that echoing thud sound. It sound fragile as well as it looks. Next thing I know I am falling and there are no stairs. I am falling and falling. Then to scare the snot out of you. I wake up from the dream of falling. And I really am falling off the couch. It must be just the couch. I know this though. It is scary.
I wonder what a dream like that means. To me if I was going to guess. Would be losing control of a situation. A falling sensation. I know really it is just me literally about to fall. Then falling. It is like my mind is setting me up for a fall.
Certain dreams I like more then others. I have one dream that I have all of the time. It is scary. Most of the time it happens when I sleep on the couch. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it. The couch to me is the comfiest place in the world. My legs kicked up. Head buried in my chest. Blanket is on my but not covering me. And of course the cats beside my head. Perfect set up for that dream I regularly have upon the couch.
In this dream I am against my will climbing stairs of this unknown building. Stair cases in sky scrapers are so unsettling. Quite. Echoing. Concrete and steel. Thirty floors up they are the same every floor. You are trapped. No getting out. In this particular dream the stair case has no windows but they are switched up once and awhile and windows are added. No one ever takes the stairs. So when you see someone it makes it that much worse.
I always look at the stairs and they always have cracks all over them. How are they holding you up. I just don’t get it. Big cracks all over. Every stair you step on it makes that echoing thud sound. It sound fragile as well as it looks. Next thing I know I am falling and there are no stairs. I am falling and falling. Then to scare the snot out of you. I wake up from the dream of falling. And I really am falling off the couch. It must be just the couch. I know this though. It is scary.
I wonder what a dream like that means. To me if I was going to guess. Would be losing control of a situation. A falling sensation. I know really it is just me literally about to fall. Then falling. It is like my mind is setting me up for a fall.
A pin pricks my skin....
I know it is coming. Closer and closer the doctor comes to my arm. The rubber band wound tight around my bicep. I brace for the impact of the sharp tip piercing into my vein. I have plenty of time to think. Life has almost come to a halt with my emotions still flowing. I talk to myself telling myself it is not going to hurt. Come on though it is something poking into my flesh. How is this not going to hurt. Am I syking myself out? Either way this is about to happen.
I try to focus on the same old picture on the doctors wall. The picture is of a landscape. It is so pretty and I wish I was there now. The sun setting on a lake. A loon gliding through the water. A few small ripples behind the loon as to show it swimming. I looked at the next picture. A man was just sitting in a landscaping. This one, however, was of a babbling brook. Both have water in them. Is there a reason for that or is it just a coincidence. Have you ever notices similarities of every doctors office. Simple office style rooms. Landscape pictures on the walls. That smell of clean but not a pretty smell.
I feel the elastic release from my arm. “All done.” The doctor says. I never felt the shot at all. Had it really just happened. It must have because I have a new tweedy bird band aid. Is that what the pictures were for? Either way they allowed me to take my mind off the shimmering needle that just attacked my arm. Something so small can be so scary. It is probably just the thought of it.
I try to focus on the same old picture on the doctors wall. The picture is of a landscape. It is so pretty and I wish I was there now. The sun setting on a lake. A loon gliding through the water. A few small ripples behind the loon as to show it swimming. I looked at the next picture. A man was just sitting in a landscaping. This one, however, was of a babbling brook. Both have water in them. Is there a reason for that or is it just a coincidence. Have you ever notices similarities of every doctors office. Simple office style rooms. Landscape pictures on the walls. That smell of clean but not a pretty smell.
I feel the elastic release from my arm. “All done.” The doctor says. I never felt the shot at all. Had it really just happened. It must have because I have a new tweedy bird band aid. Is that what the pictures were for? Either way they allowed me to take my mind off the shimmering needle that just attacked my arm. Something so small can be so scary. It is probably just the thought of it.
Weekly writting
Winter makes the Earth such a wonder land. We all know how the snow coats the ground and hangs upon the trees. It is so beautiful. That glistening when the sun pokes its head way up in the sky down upon the trees. It looks so much warmer outside when the sun is shining in a mid winters day. I think it is the fact the sunlight reflects of the crystalline snow flakes that are laid one on top another. I gaze out the big rectangular window into the front yard to see what kind of day me and my boy are going to have for sliding. It looks to be a great day this.
Me and my son ready ourselves for a few hours of high speed sledding in the front yard. The yard is quite a slope. We sled right in the middle of the drive way. Hopefully I have no unexpected guest. We are booted and suited, as we say, and step out into the sun lit frigid air. I slip on the icy steps, which I fail to salt and sand, every storm. The sled pokes out of a pile of snow and my son barrel asses over towards it. Being three feet tall and having two feet of snow, I still wonder how he got to that sled. Either way, we were ready to cruise.
I tried to shake some of the snow and ice off of the bright orange sled. Dropping the sled to the ground just in front of my feet I wonder how my fat ass along with my son is going to fit into this foot wide sled. I plopped down and sat on the sled with my jeans the only thing blocking the snow from my skin. I have always hated wearing snow pants but I still suit my son from head to toe in all types of winter gear. He looks so cute all puffy standing to the edge of the sled. I waived him in now that I was all situated. He kind of just fell on me due to the restriction of the snow suit.
I picked my line down the drive way and as I started to get us going, my son states that he wants to crash into the snow pile at the bottom of the hill. We always try to get up over but never can. We usually get around three quarters of the way up and then do backwards somersaults down the pile. This time was the time we were going to make it over. This time was different. A cold snowy dust was coating our faces from the speed of our sled humming down the drive way. I tried like heck to keep us stable in order to not crash before we made it down to the pile at the bottom.
Poof, we hit the pile like a ton of bricks. I flew up on to my son and plowed him against what we didn’t know was a frozen snow bank. This is what I didn’t want to happen. As my body came to a halt after being thrashed around I checked to see if my boy was alright. He was laughing uncontrollably. “Let’s do it again.” He chants as he wipes the snow from his face. That one ride may have been it for me. I really had gotten pummeled against the snow bank. My body had gotten bent in way I didn’t know it could be. However, I got up and chuckled, grabbed the rope on the sled, and gritted my teeth for the next few rides we were about to have, down the drive way.
Me and my son ready ourselves for a few hours of high speed sledding in the front yard. The yard is quite a slope. We sled right in the middle of the drive way. Hopefully I have no unexpected guest. We are booted and suited, as we say, and step out into the sun lit frigid air. I slip on the icy steps, which I fail to salt and sand, every storm. The sled pokes out of a pile of snow and my son barrel asses over towards it. Being three feet tall and having two feet of snow, I still wonder how he got to that sled. Either way, we were ready to cruise.
I tried to shake some of the snow and ice off of the bright orange sled. Dropping the sled to the ground just in front of my feet I wonder how my fat ass along with my son is going to fit into this foot wide sled. I plopped down and sat on the sled with my jeans the only thing blocking the snow from my skin. I have always hated wearing snow pants but I still suit my son from head to toe in all types of winter gear. He looks so cute all puffy standing to the edge of the sled. I waived him in now that I was all situated. He kind of just fell on me due to the restriction of the snow suit.
I picked my line down the drive way and as I started to get us going, my son states that he wants to crash into the snow pile at the bottom of the hill. We always try to get up over but never can. We usually get around three quarters of the way up and then do backwards somersaults down the pile. This time was the time we were going to make it over. This time was different. A cold snowy dust was coating our faces from the speed of our sled humming down the drive way. I tried like heck to keep us stable in order to not crash before we made it down to the pile at the bottom.
Poof, we hit the pile like a ton of bricks. I flew up on to my son and plowed him against what we didn’t know was a frozen snow bank. This is what I didn’t want to happen. As my body came to a halt after being thrashed around I checked to see if my boy was alright. He was laughing uncontrollably. “Let’s do it again.” He chants as he wipes the snow from his face. That one ride may have been it for me. I really had gotten pummeled against the snow bank. My body had gotten bent in way I didn’t know it could be. However, I got up and chuckled, grabbed the rope on the sled, and gritted my teeth for the next few rides we were about to have, down the drive way.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Linked vignettes
My dad is the strongest man ever. He is a guy who, not even kidding, drives down the road with a drill bit drilling out his tooth. He is a Master Guide and looks and smells like a bear. It is gross really but for some weird reason I have always looked up to him. Even though I shouldn’t because he was a asshole to me as a child. My dad is someone you would never expect to cry. Even when he broke his neck and after a year went to the hospital it never even made his eyes water.
******
I received a call from him letting me and my brothers know his father was dying of a failing liver. I wasn’t surprised because he drank brandy his whole life. Smoked and shot pool as well. My grandfather was a great guy. He helped my Mom when my dad abandoned us. He started color television for channel four Boston. He was the only one to service color television in Maine for years. This was pretty cool.
******
My Dad some what followed in his foot steps and we all did to. All of us brothers are electricians. My grandfather was the best pool player. As I said, he drinks, smoked and shot pool his whole life. The odds of me trying to beat him were slim to none. That chance came after that phone call. We went down to see him in MA. We stayed at my grandfathers house with my Dad until the day he past away.
*******
As we were at the funeral and people were crowded in the little old memorial home I witnessed something, besides the passing of my grandfather, that brought a tear to my eye. It scared me and made me so worried. It was my Dad crying. The thought of that happening was laughable. My Dad cry, “Yeah right” I always thought. I guess we all have something that hurts us and for my Dad it was something mentally rather then physically.
******
I received a call from him letting me and my brothers know his father was dying of a failing liver. I wasn’t surprised because he drank brandy his whole life. Smoked and shot pool as well. My grandfather was a great guy. He helped my Mom when my dad abandoned us. He started color television for channel four Boston. He was the only one to service color television in Maine for years. This was pretty cool.
******
My Dad some what followed in his foot steps and we all did to. All of us brothers are electricians. My grandfather was the best pool player. As I said, he drinks, smoked and shot pool his whole life. The odds of me trying to beat him were slim to none. That chance came after that phone call. We went down to see him in MA. We stayed at my grandfathers house with my Dad until the day he past away.
*******
As we were at the funeral and people were crowded in the little old memorial home I witnessed something, besides the passing of my grandfather, that brought a tear to my eye. It scared me and made me so worried. It was my Dad crying. The thought of that happening was laughable. My Dad cry, “Yeah right” I always thought. I guess we all have something that hurts us and for my Dad it was something mentally rather then physically.
You never know what you have until it is gone rewrite
I have a dog and his name is Jake. He lived a long life. He was a Brittany Spaniel and was giving to us by my father who was going to kill him. Being a five year old bird dog his life was over in my fathers eyes. Not to me though. Little did I know Jake was soon to be a best friend and more. I always took him for granted in day to day life. I think we all take things for granted. The sad part about it all is we really just never know when the things we take for granted are no longer.
******
My best friend Jake was no exception. We got the dog when I was 9. Kids go through a lot is school. He was my shoulder to cry on. He never judged me and was always nice to me no matter how mean I was to him. When I was sick he was there for me. When I was sad or happy he was there. One day though, I tried not to think about it, he may not be there for me.
******
Whenever I was sick, I thought he could heal me. Jake was a dog to me that could do it all. I always tried to sneak him in my room and get him to sleep with me but he never would. We always played together running around the house chasing each other. Couldn’t he run so fast. He was a pain in my butt taking him for a walk. I would be falling over the whole time from him pulling me. He was always the leader. If you got ahead of him he would race ahead of you.
******
To others, Jake was a typically dog. To me he was a hero. I always took him for granted as I said and thought he would be here for ever. Little did I know for ever was only a few years ago. He became sick and could barely move around. We knew it was time. From that day on I let people know I love them even if I just go to the store at the end of the road. You just never know when that dread full day will come.
******
My best friend Jake was no exception. We got the dog when I was 9. Kids go through a lot is school. He was my shoulder to cry on. He never judged me and was always nice to me no matter how mean I was to him. When I was sick he was there for me. When I was sad or happy he was there. One day though, I tried not to think about it, he may not be there for me.
******
Whenever I was sick, I thought he could heal me. Jake was a dog to me that could do it all. I always tried to sneak him in my room and get him to sleep with me but he never would. We always played together running around the house chasing each other. Couldn’t he run so fast. He was a pain in my butt taking him for a walk. I would be falling over the whole time from him pulling me. He was always the leader. If you got ahead of him he would race ahead of you.
******
To others, Jake was a typically dog. To me he was a hero. I always took him for granted as I said and thought he would be here for ever. Little did I know for ever was only a few years ago. He became sick and could barely move around. We knew it was time. From that day on I let people know I love them even if I just go to the store at the end of the road. You just never know when that dread full day will come.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
My list which could have gone on forever
1. I work hard for everything I have.
2. I’m to proud to admit I am wrong.
3. The way I think may be different but it’s like I can see things clearer then most.
4. I have a heard time with school work.
5. I am the best at doing things once I do it one time.
6. My body has severe arthritis all through it to the point I am almost disabled.
7. When I was 3 I stole for the first time and burned down the forest.
8. I am not proud of my past.
9. I feel so bad for my daughter because her mom is horrible.
10. My cats drive my wife crazier then I do, I hope.
11. I always seem to go out of my way to help people maybe to get them to like me.
12. I’m so laid back it makes people mad.
13. I did karate for about 8 years.
14. I love playing sports but I was to shy to play in school.
15. I love to help people out and put them before me.
16. My house is so spotless.
17 My favorite food is my wife’s spaghetti sauce.
18. I have been doing electrical for 16 years or so.
19. Some times I can write better then a women but most of the time it looks like a child wrote it.
20. I am a great cook and it makes my wife jealous so she will secretly eat it and tell me she didn’t.
21. The grass on my lawn is always so long no matter how much I cut it.
22. I love to read adventure books but cannot find any to read.
23. I had a horrific child hood and was recently diagnosed with PTSD.
24. I sleep with a sleep apnea machine and it is so embarrassing.
25. I don’t believe in ghost but they scare me so much. If I ever saw one I’d kill myself.
26. I just started using chew and my wife doesn’t know.
27. Being an alcoholic I had to stop and it has been 9 months.
28. I wish I could have done something different with my life.
2. I’m to proud to admit I am wrong.
3. The way I think may be different but it’s like I can see things clearer then most.
4. I have a heard time with school work.
5. I am the best at doing things once I do it one time.
6. My body has severe arthritis all through it to the point I am almost disabled.
7. When I was 3 I stole for the first time and burned down the forest.
8. I am not proud of my past.
9. I feel so bad for my daughter because her mom is horrible.
10. My cats drive my wife crazier then I do, I hope.
11. I always seem to go out of my way to help people maybe to get them to like me.
12. I’m so laid back it makes people mad.
13. I did karate for about 8 years.
14. I love playing sports but I was to shy to play in school.
15. I love to help people out and put them before me.
16. My house is so spotless.
17 My favorite food is my wife’s spaghetti sauce.
18. I have been doing electrical for 16 years or so.
19. Some times I can write better then a women but most of the time it looks like a child wrote it.
20. I am a great cook and it makes my wife jealous so she will secretly eat it and tell me she didn’t.
21. The grass on my lawn is always so long no matter how much I cut it.
22. I love to read adventure books but cannot find any to read.
23. I had a horrific child hood and was recently diagnosed with PTSD.
24. I sleep with a sleep apnea machine and it is so embarrassing.
25. I don’t believe in ghost but they scare me so much. If I ever saw one I’d kill myself.
26. I just started using chew and my wife doesn’t know.
27. Being an alcoholic I had to stop and it has been 9 months.
28. I wish I could have done something different with my life.
The best part is the part I can't tell...
I had one goal. Only one is all that it takes to feel as if you have the best life ever. As a young boy I always had this mentality. I may have hurt many people during this attitude. That didn’t bother me. It was all about me. We had so many parties as ever one does since they had become a teenager. My goal was no different then anyone else’s this age. Getting messed up and laid. I always had this on my mind and school was always last. Maybe I should have put this first but over another one, no way.
*****
During the school we always talked about the time we had. Bragging I guess or making fun of some one for something or someone stupid they did. It was a sick way of thinking of women like a piece of meat. I feel today but my dad always taught me, “Some one you pass up is someone you will never have.” You can tell he was not a good father. That was the only thing he taught me. Wonderful.
******
As I showed up to yet another great weekend I first grabbed a Budweiser. (Because U Deserve What Every Individual Shall Ever Receive.) That is what I learned in school. The night was going great. Naked women all over. A live band. A fire outside. This party had it all. I was always the life of the party and people knew when I showed up the party was finally starting. I thought I was so cool. Come to find out there is no job in life or class in college called Partying 101.
******
You can only discuss the next day some of the things that happened. Some of it you don’t remember and the rest is so shaming. Yeah we have all had those embarrassing moments. This one was mine. The little pieces I remember I cannot discuss. It is a secret to this day. I can tell you though I woke up the next day just inside my parents front door. In my boxers. With a blanket and a pillow. The weirdest part, or most thankful, is my mom waking me up telling me to go upstairs to bed before your brothers see you and make fun of you.
*******
Thanks mom. I’ll always remember that. The best part of this all I can’t tell because of embarrassment and the graphic’s of it all.
*****
During the school we always talked about the time we had. Bragging I guess or making fun of some one for something or someone stupid they did. It was a sick way of thinking of women like a piece of meat. I feel today but my dad always taught me, “Some one you pass up is someone you will never have.” You can tell he was not a good father. That was the only thing he taught me. Wonderful.
******
As I showed up to yet another great weekend I first grabbed a Budweiser. (Because U Deserve What Every Individual Shall Ever Receive.) That is what I learned in school. The night was going great. Naked women all over. A live band. A fire outside. This party had it all. I was always the life of the party and people knew when I showed up the party was finally starting. I thought I was so cool. Come to find out there is no job in life or class in college called Partying 101.
******
You can only discuss the next day some of the things that happened. Some of it you don’t remember and the rest is so shaming. Yeah we have all had those embarrassing moments. This one was mine. The little pieces I remember I cannot discuss. It is a secret to this day. I can tell you though I woke up the next day just inside my parents front door. In my boxers. With a blanket and a pillow. The weirdest part, or most thankful, is my mom waking me up telling me to go upstairs to bed before your brothers see you and make fun of you.
*******
Thanks mom. I’ll always remember that. The best part of this all I can’t tell because of embarrassment and the graphic’s of it all.
You never know what you have until it is gone.
As we wandered around a pond up in behind our house are dog ran frantically ahead. He had to have to lead. It was most annoying but I wasn’t going to try and keep up with him. The pond was no ordinary pond. It was late fall and parts were frozen but most wasn’t. A half fallen down fence stood between the trail and the water. The dog ran out and we called for him not to. He the fell in through the ice.
********
Our dog smelled horrifying. We gave our dog a bath. He now smells like Pert Plus. He leaped from the tub and darted through the house. He shook off the water numerous times. Wet spots now ruled the house. I wanted to hold him but by this time he was only half dry. He was after all my best friend.
*********
The dog played a great part in my life. He helped me when I was scared. He helped me when I was sad. He helped me whenever I had any kind of feeling whether it was good or bad. He greeted me always with kindness even if I was mean to him. I always took him for granted I suppose. You just never know when something could happen. When you take something for granted that is when something bad always happens.
*******
Now that I realized al this I now make sure I let people know I love them. Where ever I go. No matter how long. I could be just running out to my truck to grab something. “Love you, be right back in.” I will tell whoever is around. One small trip down the stairs is all it could take. You cannot let the worrying of this slight chance of something happening to you consume your life. You do, however, need to take advantage of the ones that care about you.
*******
When is loving someone to much. Is it when they are no longer with us. I do now over love people to much because of the loss of my best friend and more. He meant the world to me and I never let him know this until it was to late. You never know what you have until it is gone. Take that to the grave.
********
Our dog smelled horrifying. We gave our dog a bath. He now smells like Pert Plus. He leaped from the tub and darted through the house. He shook off the water numerous times. Wet spots now ruled the house. I wanted to hold him but by this time he was only half dry. He was after all my best friend.
*********
The dog played a great part in my life. He helped me when I was scared. He helped me when I was sad. He helped me whenever I had any kind of feeling whether it was good or bad. He greeted me always with kindness even if I was mean to him. I always took him for granted I suppose. You just never know when something could happen. When you take something for granted that is when something bad always happens.
*******
Now that I realized al this I now make sure I let people know I love them. Where ever I go. No matter how long. I could be just running out to my truck to grab something. “Love you, be right back in.” I will tell whoever is around. One small trip down the stairs is all it could take. You cannot let the worrying of this slight chance of something happening to you consume your life. You do, however, need to take advantage of the ones that care about you.
*******
When is loving someone to much. Is it when they are no longer with us. I do now over love people to much because of the loss of my best friend and more. He meant the world to me and I never let him know this until it was to late. You never know what you have until it is gone. Take that to the grave.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
I walk down and Oh lord!
Just another day for me or so I thought. It was just another day but this wasn’t quite another day, it was grocery shopping day. We all love this day of the week. The hustling and bustling of pushing a heavy cart of food through a maze of people. Then the dreaded thing happens as I was turning the corner. Down isle five, which I had to go down to get some pasta, was an ex girlfriend. Ugh… Usually you can turn around or duck out of site but this time there wasn’t anything I could do. She could see me and I could see her. We locked eyes but it wasn’t one of those special moments where I was about to fall in love. No this was not another grocery store love story about to take place.
I had to go up this isle now. It was like taking a wrong turn on a street with no way to turn around. The street had one giant pot hole for me and it was an ex girlfriend. What a perfect day for this. I guess it could have been worse. I know at least in this street with other carts their was witnesses incase she got out of hand. She still had feelings for me, I mean come on who wouldn’t. I walked down this street of terror knowing the worst was to come. I inched my cart to make the inevitable take longer but as I do this I know I should just go up and get it over with. Once you bump into someone in the grocery store you see them on every other isle you go down. You then have to give that awkward smile as if to say “fancy see you here.”
I hate having to be locked into something like this. I know I am going to see her next isle and next isle until the end of this task I never wanted to do in the first place. Any how I make it down to the pasta just in time for her to bump my cart. She did it in a flirting way as she smiled at me. I rushed her through some pointless conversation so I could get the heck out of dodge. After this small talk I grabbed my pasta and continued to head down the rest of this isle knowing I was going to see her again…. And…. Again. To stop this from happening I went back to the vegetables. I knew back tracking I wouldn’t have to bump into her again. Oh lord, the worst thing happened but I made it through it.
I had to go up this isle now. It was like taking a wrong turn on a street with no way to turn around. The street had one giant pot hole for me and it was an ex girlfriend. What a perfect day for this. I guess it could have been worse. I know at least in this street with other carts their was witnesses incase she got out of hand. She still had feelings for me, I mean come on who wouldn’t. I walked down this street of terror knowing the worst was to come. I inched my cart to make the inevitable take longer but as I do this I know I should just go up and get it over with. Once you bump into someone in the grocery store you see them on every other isle you go down. You then have to give that awkward smile as if to say “fancy see you here.”
I hate having to be locked into something like this. I know I am going to see her next isle and next isle until the end of this task I never wanted to do in the first place. Any how I make it down to the pasta just in time for her to bump my cart. She did it in a flirting way as she smiled at me. I rushed her through some pointless conversation so I could get the heck out of dodge. After this small talk I grabbed my pasta and continued to head down the rest of this isle knowing I was going to see her again…. And…. Again. To stop this from happening I went back to the vegetables. I knew back tracking I wouldn’t have to bump into her again. Oh lord, the worst thing happened but I made it through it.
A silence
It is chilly in this house we all sit upon while the television is in the off position. We usually are sitting while the television blares its sound through out the large room we call the living room. This room is suppose to be a lively room filled with commotion and sound. Hence the name “living” room. Tonight is rather different in that we are not moving about nor the sound from the television reverberating throughout the room filling our ears full of mostly nonsense. The nonsense we all know is the commercials….”SHAM WOW.” Thank god I sit thinking I don’t have to fall subject to another infomercial. I seem to believe and buy everything they market to us. Some could call it being a sucker but I enjoy these things. I don’t know what it is but right now I am thankful for these awkward silence.
We sit here as a family in this chilly house with what for once in our family history is a awkward silence. I don’t know if you could imagine this or not. Our four year old is being quiet. I suppose that’s why I believe it is more awkward then anything. You see, tonight the power is out and that is why the television is not letting out a annoying sound of spongebobs laugh. Bahahahhaha…. Yeah I think people that don’t even watch the show know this laugh. The room being so chilly and so dark but the most bothersome thing is this silence. Who will be the first to speak something to break up the wind that blows against the window and the tip toeing of the cats darting back and forth in the dark. You couldn’t really see them but could hear the chatter of their claws against the hard wood floors.
As we sit in wait in the house of silence, with only clicks and creeks from the wind blowing on the house and the cats who now are upstairs darting back and fourth , we slide together to get warm and cuddle my boy. He isn’t scared but he is just in one of these once in a blue moon moods when he is calm, loving and cuddly. Heck yeah me and my wife are taking advantage of it. He is consistently none stop and never wants to be held. Maybe this dark silence could be great after all. Maybe it was a moment meant for us to bond. Someone or something made the power go out to draw our family together. Doubt that, it is just late and we were at the park all day so my son is worn out. It is the thought that counted I guess. Just as we all settled in on the couch holding one another……the power comes! I son jumps up and the television starts spitting out babahahhahaha…..
We sit here as a family in this chilly house with what for once in our family history is a awkward silence. I don’t know if you could imagine this or not. Our four year old is being quiet. I suppose that’s why I believe it is more awkward then anything. You see, tonight the power is out and that is why the television is not letting out a annoying sound of spongebobs laugh. Bahahahhaha…. Yeah I think people that don’t even watch the show know this laugh. The room being so chilly and so dark but the most bothersome thing is this silence. Who will be the first to speak something to break up the wind that blows against the window and the tip toeing of the cats darting back and forth in the dark. You couldn’t really see them but could hear the chatter of their claws against the hard wood floors.
As we sit in wait in the house of silence, with only clicks and creeks from the wind blowing on the house and the cats who now are upstairs darting back and fourth , we slide together to get warm and cuddle my boy. He isn’t scared but he is just in one of these once in a blue moon moods when he is calm, loving and cuddly. Heck yeah me and my wife are taking advantage of it. He is consistently none stop and never wants to be held. Maybe this dark silence could be great after all. Maybe it was a moment meant for us to bond. Someone or something made the power go out to draw our family together. Doubt that, it is just late and we were at the park all day so my son is worn out. It is the thought that counted I guess. Just as we all settled in on the couch holding one another……the power comes! I son jumps up and the television starts spitting out babahahhahaha…..
Things I see as I walk down the street.
I’m a very visual person so no matter what I’m doing or where I’m going I am constantly scanning my surroundings. Every year we go to Bar Harbor at least once. I personally myself love that little corner ice cream shop but it seems to be the last stop on our walk every time. I cannot remember the shop name for some reason. All I can think of is that place in Brewer fifty miles away from Bar Harbor names Jimmies. We walk down the very crowded walk way which is very annoying due to all those old out of stator’s that have to stop and look at every shop window. At that pace I don’t see how they even get anywhere. You know they are never going to buy anything though.
Personally I want to stop in every shop on the way to my ice cream place which I usually try to make a V line to. Just like all those old people I talked about though, I found myself stopping and looking into the many different shops windows. I love to shop so Bar Harbor is the perfect little place to see many different trinkets you wont see any where else. As I pass by a little coffee shop, it wreaks of the strong smell of a great coffee bean. It was heaven to me that strong smell of fresh ground and brewing coffee. It drew me into the barely walk able shop to get a wonderful cup of the perfume I could smell outside.
We walk on and go past many other shops which lure me in, of course. Next thing I know, I am carrying arm loads of bags and my wallet feels flat. All these shops were heavenly. I now was the proud owner of fudge, a coffee, new sweatshirt, and a necklace made of help with shells knitted within the threads of the weave. My wallet is the proud owner of nothing. I arrive at my ice cream shop I have been waiting for, and finally at last my Maine blackberry ice cream in a home made waffle cone. I had no hands at this point to grab my cone but still managed to some how. If there is a will, there is a way and I certainly found one without a doubt. I had my ice cream at last. As I at my ice cream I wondered how I was going to get back past all these great shops with out entering one. My arms were already full and my wallet by this time was definitely in rough shape.
Personally I want to stop in every shop on the way to my ice cream place which I usually try to make a V line to. Just like all those old people I talked about though, I found myself stopping and looking into the many different shops windows. I love to shop so Bar Harbor is the perfect little place to see many different trinkets you wont see any where else. As I pass by a little coffee shop, it wreaks of the strong smell of a great coffee bean. It was heaven to me that strong smell of fresh ground and brewing coffee. It drew me into the barely walk able shop to get a wonderful cup of the perfume I could smell outside.
We walk on and go past many other shops which lure me in, of course. Next thing I know, I am carrying arm loads of bags and my wallet feels flat. All these shops were heavenly. I now was the proud owner of fudge, a coffee, new sweatshirt, and a necklace made of help with shells knitted within the threads of the weave. My wallet is the proud owner of nothing. I arrive at my ice cream shop I have been waiting for, and finally at last my Maine blackberry ice cream in a home made waffle cone. I had no hands at this point to grab my cone but still managed to some how. If there is a will, there is a way and I certainly found one without a doubt. I had my ice cream at last. As I at my ice cream I wondered how I was going to get back past all these great shops with out entering one. My arms were already full and my wallet by this time was definitely in rough shape.
Vingette
As I lay there in the bed I realize I’m not quite comfortable. I re-shim the pillow under my head to the point the lovely lady laying next to me awakes. I feel bad but the pillow needs to be perfectly fluffed upon my head. I hate to get up the next morning with that creaky achy pain that lies deep in your neck. It seems to never go away and will last within you for days or even weeks. It is hard to judge the perfect fluffed pillow but you know it’s time to stop when you wake your better half up. Whether the pillow was perfect or not I knew I had to be done or should would tell me to stop moving. I think to myself, “at least I made the pillow have that cold spot.” Who doesn’t like flipping the pillow in order to achieve that short moment of coolness upon the back side of your head.
The cats, as always, are at the bottom of the bed curled up. They won’t stay there long because night time is their time to raise hell. Their names are Bonnie and Clyde which make perfect sense for these two. As I look over to see if my wife is still awake I notice her book still lays upon her chest. I chuckle inside knowing she must of fell asleep reading. I wanted to make sure she didn’t know the cats were in here. She hates the cats and would of booted them off the bed. I am complete opposite, I think its nice when they are all cute looking at the foot of the bed. I pulled the covers up to my chin and finally curled up to fall asleep. The blanket was tucked under the cats so I had to distract them in doing this. Oh well, I was tired from a long day and just wanted to buckle down and fall asleep.
It was going to be another one of those nights where you lie there and lie there and for the life of you cannot fall asleep. I had thoughts running ramped all through my mind. I think I was just over tired. You think being over tired you would just fall asleep before hitting the pillow but you don’t. I was perfectly comfy in the bed at this point and couldn’t wait for dreams to start flowing. I wish at this point counting sheep would really work but that would keep me up longer. As I chuckled again I thought maybe I should grab my wife’s book and read it. It seemed to work for her but I knew that wasn’t an option at this point. I grabbed my mask for my sleep apnea machine, strapped it to my head, and clicked the on button. I knew I was forgetting something….and…..off….to….sleep….I…went.
The cats, as always, are at the bottom of the bed curled up. They won’t stay there long because night time is their time to raise hell. Their names are Bonnie and Clyde which make perfect sense for these two. As I look over to see if my wife is still awake I notice her book still lays upon her chest. I chuckle inside knowing she must of fell asleep reading. I wanted to make sure she didn’t know the cats were in here. She hates the cats and would of booted them off the bed. I am complete opposite, I think its nice when they are all cute looking at the foot of the bed. I pulled the covers up to my chin and finally curled up to fall asleep. The blanket was tucked under the cats so I had to distract them in doing this. Oh well, I was tired from a long day and just wanted to buckle down and fall asleep.
It was going to be another one of those nights where you lie there and lie there and for the life of you cannot fall asleep. I had thoughts running ramped all through my mind. I think I was just over tired. You think being over tired you would just fall asleep before hitting the pillow but you don’t. I was perfectly comfy in the bed at this point and couldn’t wait for dreams to start flowing. I wish at this point counting sheep would really work but that would keep me up longer. As I chuckled again I thought maybe I should grab my wife’s book and read it. It seemed to work for her but I knew that wasn’t an option at this point. I grabbed my mask for my sleep apnea machine, strapped it to my head, and clicked the on button. I knew I was forgetting something….and…..off….to….sleep….I…went.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Who I first remembered re-write
In a world, with a population in the billions, one person made such an impression on me that to this day I remember them first in my life. Most people would say their mother or father but I would disagree with that. As a child you love anything fun or anything that has to do with playing so it only makes sense that you would remember your first friend or in my case a brother, Matt.
My brother is only a year older then me so we were very close in age. Being in the same residents and same age it was on. With Matt and I being very similar in age we had so much things in common. We had the same likes and dislikes, as well as friends and television shows. As any kid knows cartoons are great. We had a lot of the action figures from these shows so we would pretend a lot. This pulled us closer as we sat together cheering on our favorite action figure to beat up the villain.
All our friends were right out our front door. We lived in a trailer park were many kids lived and we happen to all be the same age. This was great for us to bond even more. We all played together including my brother. We played inside and outside together. We were almost inseparable and we really never separated until school started.
As a child the first one to make a impression on you is going to be the first one you remember. When someone or something makes a huge impact in your mind you are more apt to have remembrance of that someone or something. This is why I believe my brother is the first person I remember. We were always together and played all the time together. We were never apart. My mom would be busy cleaning or working and she wasn’t going to come outside and play with us and our friends.
In my son I notice this with him as well. Anyone that plays a huge part in having fun with him, he remembers. He remembers everything my parents do with him but nothing I every with him. It drives me nuts. I know how he feels though with the fact all he wants in life is to have fun and anything to do with fun. I do a lot of things with him and I notice he is very clingy to me. When my wife use to be home he was very clingy with her.
My brother made the type of impact to me in order for my remembering him first in my life. It was kind of interesting to think back thirty years and try to remember such a factor in your life. When I really thought about it though my brother came to mind. The thing that made it interesting is why I remembered him and it all has to do with what kids want. They want to play and that’s what we did.
My brother is only a year older then me so we were very close in age. Being in the same residents and same age it was on. With Matt and I being very similar in age we had so much things in common. We had the same likes and dislikes, as well as friends and television shows. As any kid knows cartoons are great. We had a lot of the action figures from these shows so we would pretend a lot. This pulled us closer as we sat together cheering on our favorite action figure to beat up the villain.
All our friends were right out our front door. We lived in a trailer park were many kids lived and we happen to all be the same age. This was great for us to bond even more. We all played together including my brother. We played inside and outside together. We were almost inseparable and we really never separated until school started.
As a child the first one to make a impression on you is going to be the first one you remember. When someone or something makes a huge impact in your mind you are more apt to have remembrance of that someone or something. This is why I believe my brother is the first person I remember. We were always together and played all the time together. We were never apart. My mom would be busy cleaning or working and she wasn’t going to come outside and play with us and our friends.
In my son I notice this with him as well. Anyone that plays a huge part in having fun with him, he remembers. He remembers everything my parents do with him but nothing I every with him. It drives me nuts. I know how he feels though with the fact all he wants in life is to have fun and anything to do with fun. I do a lot of things with him and I notice he is very clingy to me. When my wife use to be home he was very clingy with her.
My brother made the type of impact to me in order for my remembering him first in my life. It was kind of interesting to think back thirty years and try to remember such a factor in your life. When I really thought about it though my brother came to mind. The thing that made it interesting is why I remembered him and it all has to do with what kids want. They want to play and that’s what we did.
Friday, October 14, 2011
A classmate I know talking smack about me?!
I have only good things to say about that Michael. A guy with a nickname like pickle can’t not be a hell of a guy. How do you end up with a nickname like that. You could perceive it in many different ways. I know what we all think when we think of a nickname like pickle. Any how Mike has been a great influence through out life to countless people. He seems to be so self less and puts others first. I think a lot of times that can hurt him due to people that abuse friendship as he gives.
A great reason I look up to Mike is the fact even though he is thirty he hasn’t lost his child like attitude in life. I’m not saying he is immature or not responsible. That is the best part about him. He is very responsible. Everyone needs to keep a little bit of a kid in them. With out having some what of a child like feature you grow into a stick in the mud. No one likes people like that. Maybe except other sticks in the mud I suppose. I remember recently me and him going for a walk. Upon our walk as we were inching our way around a big mud hole, I fell upon it. Well, I didn’t fall until I was tackled down. W begun to attack each other violently with mud balls. It’s the simple things in life that give great joy and he knows how to bring them to people lives.
People say there aren’t many caring people left but the care that surrounds the people around him is thick as a dairy queen blizzard. Through my whole life Mike, just being a friend, has looked out for me through out school. I myself have always been picked on and have been an outcast in class but he treats me the same as the next person. He isn’t afraid or doesn’t act to cool to talk to me or isn’t worried about getting caught hanging out with me. That feeling is a horrible feeling, being an outcast in school. School can be a brutal time in a child’s life and he made that experience not as bad as it could have been. He actually picked me first once upon a time in sixth grade. Certain people were always picked before others. The coolest kid or the one who is the best at the game so that team could win. The game was dodge ball. I will never forget the feeling. Mike made me so embarrassed but this made me warm inside. I knew I couldn’t let him down. When he did this, he gave me the confidence that I have never felt, he believed in me.
I know people are very crunched for time in life especially Mike. He juggles school, work, family life and other task upon that. I suppose it isn’t much different from a lot of households but most people don’t or can’t make time to help someone out. Mike makes sure he can do what he can when he can. I think he gets a great feeling of joy from this. He told me once you get what you put in as well as life is easy and living is hard. I thought about these two meanings and they both make total sense. He likes the feeling he gets to know he did a good thing for someone. He doesn’t ask for anything in return and most people never return favors to him. Maybe it is the fact he is to proud to ask for help. I know when he needs help and I don’t ask him. I just step in because I know at some point in time I may need help and he will be there. His word is bond.
Mike has always persevered in life though the many ups and downs. It takes such a strong individual to endure what he has and still goes around with a smile on his face. That reminds me of another thing he told me once when I was upset and he was helping me yet again. Life is to short to be mad or upset. Even if he just heard the worst news I think even if he was sad he wouldn’t show it. That can be a bad thing holding things in. Maybe he cries when no one is around. I hope so because people deserve to vent and everyone has to at some point in time. If he were here at this moment I would tell him thanks and if he needs something ever to ask.
A great reason I look up to Mike is the fact even though he is thirty he hasn’t lost his child like attitude in life. I’m not saying he is immature or not responsible. That is the best part about him. He is very responsible. Everyone needs to keep a little bit of a kid in them. With out having some what of a child like feature you grow into a stick in the mud. No one likes people like that. Maybe except other sticks in the mud I suppose. I remember recently me and him going for a walk. Upon our walk as we were inching our way around a big mud hole, I fell upon it. Well, I didn’t fall until I was tackled down. W begun to attack each other violently with mud balls. It’s the simple things in life that give great joy and he knows how to bring them to people lives.
People say there aren’t many caring people left but the care that surrounds the people around him is thick as a dairy queen blizzard. Through my whole life Mike, just being a friend, has looked out for me through out school. I myself have always been picked on and have been an outcast in class but he treats me the same as the next person. He isn’t afraid or doesn’t act to cool to talk to me or isn’t worried about getting caught hanging out with me. That feeling is a horrible feeling, being an outcast in school. School can be a brutal time in a child’s life and he made that experience not as bad as it could have been. He actually picked me first once upon a time in sixth grade. Certain people were always picked before others. The coolest kid or the one who is the best at the game so that team could win. The game was dodge ball. I will never forget the feeling. Mike made me so embarrassed but this made me warm inside. I knew I couldn’t let him down. When he did this, he gave me the confidence that I have never felt, he believed in me.
I know people are very crunched for time in life especially Mike. He juggles school, work, family life and other task upon that. I suppose it isn’t much different from a lot of households but most people don’t or can’t make time to help someone out. Mike makes sure he can do what he can when he can. I think he gets a great feeling of joy from this. He told me once you get what you put in as well as life is easy and living is hard. I thought about these two meanings and they both make total sense. He likes the feeling he gets to know he did a good thing for someone. He doesn’t ask for anything in return and most people never return favors to him. Maybe it is the fact he is to proud to ask for help. I know when he needs help and I don’t ask him. I just step in because I know at some point in time I may need help and he will be there. His word is bond.
Mike has always persevered in life though the many ups and downs. It takes such a strong individual to endure what he has and still goes around with a smile on his face. That reminds me of another thing he told me once when I was upset and he was helping me yet again. Life is to short to be mad or upset. Even if he just heard the worst news I think even if he was sad he wouldn’t show it. That can be a bad thing holding things in. Maybe he cries when no one is around. I hope so because people deserve to vent and everyone has to at some point in time. If he were here at this moment I would tell him thanks and if he needs something ever to ask.
Narrative of a Person
We all occasional observe someone from a distance. We sit back and try and figure them out by their actions. People, whether they know it or not, judge people before they even talk to them. If you saw someone that was dressed like a goth, all black clothing, black lipstick etc.. they may be the nicest person but more than likely you would think to yourself, “What a freak, he/she must be a weirdo loser.” I am guilty as charged. I know I’ve done this many times. The simple fact is you do not know someone until you talk to them.
As I sit back and watch this person, who just happens to be my wife, I block my mind of how she really is and wonder what I would think about her just watching her as I have others. As I sit back and just watch her making herself dinner my mind consumes itself with many thoughts of feelings towards her. I know my feeling should be love but I wanted to get a mental picture of the typical human judging a human before they know them side of things.
She graceful struts around the kitchen as it’s a normal familiar thing. This shows that she likes to do things for herself. Having a familiarity with cooking show independence. Most people on their own doesn’t make a nice little chicken dinner for themselves as she does. I’ve been in dorms before and ramen noodles line the cupboards. One of the first things I like to look at is hair. Hair to me can give a good description about the person. It shows if they care about themselves and shows how they want to be portrayed. It can show if you care about what people think about you. As she paces around the kitchen in a non bumbling way, her hair told a story to me about her feeling toward the world. With three feet of hair and being so blonde it looked white, there was not one hair out of place. It was like a can of Pringles, not one of them can be out of place. They all seemed to stack amongst themselves in a fashionable manner. This gives two thoughts in my mind, either she is self conscious or she is a very neat and clean person. There is one way to settle that question and it is looking at her fingernails. Her fingers were proportionately long but you could tell they were real. They were witch nail length. These were more like little stubs. The chipping and fading of the nail polish told me she was a hard worker but also was not some superficial bimbo. Yeah, she cared about how she looked but she also could get down and dirty if she needed. She was clean and tidy but also wanted to be viewed as self motivated and self sufficient. No one likes those girls or boys in their twenties that drive a expensive car and are all decked out to the hilt in new clothes and other fashions. We all know they don’t work for that, their parents do and yet they try to claim as if they were successful. We can all tell the difference of who works for their own things and who doesn’t.
In their eyes you can get that sense of dignity and also how they carry themselves. As she graciously flipped her chicken you could see it in her eye that she was a little more serious and self motivated then some mammas girl/boy. Her slim knobby knuckles had a grip on the spatula as if it wasn’t her first time. I knew the way she composed herself she was all for being spoiled but not being over indulged. She had this sense of cleanliness as she constantly rinsed her hands off but also her jeans, which she moments ago returned from work in, had a sense of weather look to them. No, these work some pre worn looking pants bought like this with numerous holes and washes. This was general wear and tear done on these. This isn’t my first rodeo and I can’t be fooled by this. She wore then snuggly but not see you could see every crease in her ass or panty lines and such. They had enough room to be comfortable and professional. This gave me a sense of take charge women.
It is nice to pamper a girl but not having to consistently take care of her. I myself like to be cared for. As my eyes made their wondering down her long slender but defined leg I came upon her bare feet which pressed upon the tile. Her feet were long and slender and seemed very pleasant. I am no foot fetish man but her silky look foot almost gave me a sense of a fetish for them. Her toe nails just like her hand nails were chipped and worn but she is also a working woman. Her heels I could see had slight calluses I could see as she at this point was almost sprinting around the kitchen. The food was almost all down and everything always seems to finish together. Our house is all tile and hard wood which could be her problem but if I didn’t know that I would think what a women. She cares so much about her appearance, clothes, hair etc.. but also has those minor flaws which show a realistic lady. It would also show me what a go getter she is. Again this all shows dignity as she is self sufficient.
It is a little comical how you can just look at someone and break them down. Your opinion by just glancing at someone can be just as superficial as them but as the saying goes don’t judge a book by its cover. We all do whether we think we don’t or not. We do it. This is a defense by our mind and body to protect us from certain things I suppose. I know if I saw some guy looking like a crack head, I’d stay away. If the same person was in a suit, I’d be more apt to speak to him. Is that selfish on my part or is that me protecting myself from harm or danger? You really shouldn’t judge by looks it is very cruel and it could cost you the best friendship or lover in the world. You can get a sense of how someone wants to be portrayed but it doesn’t show you who they really are inside. Different circumstances can have people looking certain ways. Someone poor for instance can look and smell dirty but they may have the biggest heart ever. While someone else who is rich is all dressed to the hilt could be a total asshole. I guess you never know someone unless you give them that chance we all deserve, common courteous.
As I sit back and watch this person, who just happens to be my wife, I block my mind of how she really is and wonder what I would think about her just watching her as I have others. As I sit back and just watch her making herself dinner my mind consumes itself with many thoughts of feelings towards her. I know my feeling should be love but I wanted to get a mental picture of the typical human judging a human before they know them side of things.
She graceful struts around the kitchen as it’s a normal familiar thing. This shows that she likes to do things for herself. Having a familiarity with cooking show independence. Most people on their own doesn’t make a nice little chicken dinner for themselves as she does. I’ve been in dorms before and ramen noodles line the cupboards. One of the first things I like to look at is hair. Hair to me can give a good description about the person. It shows if they care about themselves and shows how they want to be portrayed. It can show if you care about what people think about you. As she paces around the kitchen in a non bumbling way, her hair told a story to me about her feeling toward the world. With three feet of hair and being so blonde it looked white, there was not one hair out of place. It was like a can of Pringles, not one of them can be out of place. They all seemed to stack amongst themselves in a fashionable manner. This gives two thoughts in my mind, either she is self conscious or she is a very neat and clean person. There is one way to settle that question and it is looking at her fingernails. Her fingers were proportionately long but you could tell they were real. They were witch nail length. These were more like little stubs. The chipping and fading of the nail polish told me she was a hard worker but also was not some superficial bimbo. Yeah, she cared about how she looked but she also could get down and dirty if she needed. She was clean and tidy but also wanted to be viewed as self motivated and self sufficient. No one likes those girls or boys in their twenties that drive a expensive car and are all decked out to the hilt in new clothes and other fashions. We all know they don’t work for that, their parents do and yet they try to claim as if they were successful. We can all tell the difference of who works for their own things and who doesn’t.
In their eyes you can get that sense of dignity and also how they carry themselves. As she graciously flipped her chicken you could see it in her eye that she was a little more serious and self motivated then some mammas girl/boy. Her slim knobby knuckles had a grip on the spatula as if it wasn’t her first time. I knew the way she composed herself she was all for being spoiled but not being over indulged. She had this sense of cleanliness as she constantly rinsed her hands off but also her jeans, which she moments ago returned from work in, had a sense of weather look to them. No, these work some pre worn looking pants bought like this with numerous holes and washes. This was general wear and tear done on these. This isn’t my first rodeo and I can’t be fooled by this. She wore then snuggly but not see you could see every crease in her ass or panty lines and such. They had enough room to be comfortable and professional. This gave me a sense of take charge women.
It is nice to pamper a girl but not having to consistently take care of her. I myself like to be cared for. As my eyes made their wondering down her long slender but defined leg I came upon her bare feet which pressed upon the tile. Her feet were long and slender and seemed very pleasant. I am no foot fetish man but her silky look foot almost gave me a sense of a fetish for them. Her toe nails just like her hand nails were chipped and worn but she is also a working woman. Her heels I could see had slight calluses I could see as she at this point was almost sprinting around the kitchen. The food was almost all down and everything always seems to finish together. Our house is all tile and hard wood which could be her problem but if I didn’t know that I would think what a women. She cares so much about her appearance, clothes, hair etc.. but also has those minor flaws which show a realistic lady. It would also show me what a go getter she is. Again this all shows dignity as she is self sufficient.
It is a little comical how you can just look at someone and break them down. Your opinion by just glancing at someone can be just as superficial as them but as the saying goes don’t judge a book by its cover. We all do whether we think we don’t or not. We do it. This is a defense by our mind and body to protect us from certain things I suppose. I know if I saw some guy looking like a crack head, I’d stay away. If the same person was in a suit, I’d be more apt to speak to him. Is that selfish on my part or is that me protecting myself from harm or danger? You really shouldn’t judge by looks it is very cruel and it could cost you the best friendship or lover in the world. You can get a sense of how someone wants to be portrayed but it doesn’t show you who they really are inside. Different circumstances can have people looking certain ways. Someone poor for instance can look and smell dirty but they may have the biggest heart ever. While someone else who is rich is all dressed to the hilt could be a total asshole. I guess you never know someone unless you give them that chance we all deserve, common courteous.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Looking at a picture
To answer a question of what do I see of a photo of a person I had to drag myself off the couch and go to the picture draw. This draw is a great mess with photos and film piled one on another. Someday I may straighten out this draw of memories before I ruin them all except the mental memories I have of them. Pictures play a important rule through out time and in peoples life. Pictures tell stories that mentally we cannot remember all the details. Details in a picture can far out weigh mental memories of the person, place, or thing that the picture contains.
As I rummage through the draw of unorganized pictures one of them catches my eyes the most. The picture that I see is one mentally I will always remember but brings back images in my mind that I wish were always upon it. The picture is my son as a baby. He is now four and he is so big. It seems like ages ago he was wearing diapers and just laying there looking around with his big blue eyes. He has this look in this picture as if he is a bad ass. It really funny, as this picture gives me flashbacks of when right from birth the eyes. His eyes even in this picture are squinted slightly, are dark blue, and gives you this glare from the corner of his eyes. It almost gives you a creepy stare down feeling. The godfather gives this look in his shows right before he whacks someone. On my son though, it was very cute. His lips puckered up as if he is being extremely serious. What could he be serious about? Maybe the fact he just left his warm home in his moms belly? I got it, he is here and he means business. He is the boss from now on. How true to that. He runs the show and he has the look to prove it.
A big part this memory of viewing a baby picture of him creates a sadness that is very heart unfriendly. It creates this void in my heart that makes me want to have another. The thing is would it be a child that was as cute as him or funny? He is the most little perfect child ever. We all say that our child is the cutest but for real. The cuteness of being a miniature person is incredible. That little body you can palm like a basketball. A entire human fitting into a palm of a mans hand. That image replays in my mind. Cuddling him as a baby. Him lying on my chest or snuggled against my face. His soft skin with the scent of a baby. I can smell that cleanliness in the air at this moment thinking of his young little fumigating that beautiful refreshing scent into the air. It doesn’t get any better than that until he over comes his first feat as a child.
His little outfit I can remember holding up. So small and delicate looking. The light blue colors and little animals that are sewed upon it. The shoes in the picture are only finger long with a little monkey on the side. A memory of a time of peacefulness. After seeing this picture I looked further into this draw. It is incredible to look at all the picture. The next one in here was of him sleeping. Cuddled up into the nook of the couch. A child is just incredible. Yes they are hard work but at the end of it, it is more than worth it for these kinds of memories. What else can you have in this world that gives you a love and happiness so great that when you peer into the past it can bring back emotions so strong. I may keep this picture out for awhile. Memories are great and make you feel so wonderful that you got to have this such memories in life.
As I rummage through the draw of unorganized pictures one of them catches my eyes the most. The picture that I see is one mentally I will always remember but brings back images in my mind that I wish were always upon it. The picture is my son as a baby. He is now four and he is so big. It seems like ages ago he was wearing diapers and just laying there looking around with his big blue eyes. He has this look in this picture as if he is a bad ass. It really funny, as this picture gives me flashbacks of when right from birth the eyes. His eyes even in this picture are squinted slightly, are dark blue, and gives you this glare from the corner of his eyes. It almost gives you a creepy stare down feeling. The godfather gives this look in his shows right before he whacks someone. On my son though, it was very cute. His lips puckered up as if he is being extremely serious. What could he be serious about? Maybe the fact he just left his warm home in his moms belly? I got it, he is here and he means business. He is the boss from now on. How true to that. He runs the show and he has the look to prove it.
A big part this memory of viewing a baby picture of him creates a sadness that is very heart unfriendly. It creates this void in my heart that makes me want to have another. The thing is would it be a child that was as cute as him or funny? He is the most little perfect child ever. We all say that our child is the cutest but for real. The cuteness of being a miniature person is incredible. That little body you can palm like a basketball. A entire human fitting into a palm of a mans hand. That image replays in my mind. Cuddling him as a baby. Him lying on my chest or snuggled against my face. His soft skin with the scent of a baby. I can smell that cleanliness in the air at this moment thinking of his young little fumigating that beautiful refreshing scent into the air. It doesn’t get any better than that until he over comes his first feat as a child.
His little outfit I can remember holding up. So small and delicate looking. The light blue colors and little animals that are sewed upon it. The shoes in the picture are only finger long with a little monkey on the side. A memory of a time of peacefulness. After seeing this picture I looked further into this draw. It is incredible to look at all the picture. The next one in here was of him sleeping. Cuddled up into the nook of the couch. A child is just incredible. Yes they are hard work but at the end of it, it is more than worth it for these kinds of memories. What else can you have in this world that gives you a love and happiness so great that when you peer into the past it can bring back emotions so strong. I may keep this picture out for awhile. Memories are great and make you feel so wonderful that you got to have this such memories in life.
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