week 13 Grain of sand within my hand.

Just another day being a young punk living in a small town or as Mainers would call it, city.  Brewer, Maine is where I grew up as a child and where I had the most fun that a child could ask for.  A lot of the things we use to do I look back now and wonder why we did the shit we did.  Most of it was “childish” like you would think.  Even though I call it childish you needed to hang on to your britches to survive.  Parents really lacked in their parenting so we ran ramped around the trailer park which I resided.
I refrain from telling people about my child hood because they will either think badly of me or feel so bad for me.  It is kind of a catch twenty two with my life.  I remember it all started around Christmas.  We were out shopping, me, my brother and my mom, when I saw something I wanted.  It wasn’t like I wanted some expensive oversized toy.  What I wanted was a little tiny Christmas stocking.  By little tiny, I mean it could barely fit a package of Hubba Bubba gum.  I had to have it though, it drew me in like a kid in a candy shop.  It was going to be mine.
I asked my mother if I could please have it and she told me no.  Well I wasn’t taking no for an answer.  So, when she wasn’t looking I through it in one of the bags that had already been checked out.  This stocking was MINE… When we got home, of course, my mother saw it.  Instead of getting in trouble, she chuckled.  This egged me on to do this some more.  I was three and a thief.  A outlaw and I was no robin hood.  I was stealing from the rich and I was the poor.  If my mom would have been a mom and told me it was bad and done the parental thing, maybe all the negative may have left my childhood.
We were at Shop ‘n’ Save getting a few groceries not two long after my prior theft and the rush I had prior came over me once again.  I saw a bin of lighters.  They use to have lighters back when I was a child in big bins at the check out isles.  So I grabbed a few.  I knew what I was doing was wrong but no one was their to tell me so.   As a child you see the world as a grain of sand.  You don’t understand the way life works.  How time goes by or how the flowers bloom.  I had the world in the palm of my hand but at this moment it was a few lights of all colors.
I stashed these lighters behind the shed by our trailer and saved them for a rainy day.  That rainy day came, but not literally, me and a few friends had gotten together at a fort we had in the trees outback.   Once again, I held the world within a grain of sand upon my hand and little did I know these next few actions could have made me live eternally, but not alive.  We lit the woods on fire.  It is disturbing to talk about due to how this could have been avoided by parents just being their for us children.  As the grass and trees started to really get going in flame we heard the sirens.
The sirens screamed toward us and we were panicking.  What the heck did we do!  Why the heck did we do this!  All these feelings were screaming through my body.  It seemed as time stopped but it sure didn’t.  People were running towards were we had done this disgraceful deed.  I knew something had to give and it wasn’t going to be me. We all scattered into the bushes and I knew I had a spot that made me invincible.  Stupid us we hid next to the small blaze at this time.  As people by the dozen showed up to put this fire out, I knew we got over our heads this time.
They found all the rest of my crew and I was thanking god at this point they didn’t find me. I heard the talking of the firemen to my friends.  They didn’t give me up though, thank god.  As I returned home I got the wrath of my Dad whom just happen to return home at the worse time possible for me.  Not just the wrath of my father but next thing I knew we had to go to the Brewer Police Department for lighting the woods on fire and for stealing lighters.  Why the hell would I ever do this.  What was I thinking.  I thought I ruled the world upon a grain of sand within my hand.  I held the world upon my palm and cared not for the feelings or thoughts of anyone else.