I’m waiting patiently as possible as I arrive to pick up my son at school. He goes to the Dedham School. It’s a wonderful school for children. Anyway I was waiting in the hall way because right at twelve o’clock he gets picked up. He is in the pre-k class that they offer at the school. Just before noon time they are outside, especially on this beautiful day. All the parents arrive to get their children but we must all cram into the hall next to the office.
As I stand there awaiting my sons arrival from outside I try to keep myself busy. I kind of don’t fit in with the snobby looking people so as everyone else chatters around me I pretend to read the same thing I always do on the wall, a list of school store toys. The conversations vary so much behind me as different people arrive. “Oh hey Tammy how are the girls,” one girl says to another. “They are so wonderful, thanks for asking,” the other lady replies. I kind of already know where the conversation is heading, no where because they usually are the dull, uncomfortable adult conversations. You know the ones that people feel like they can’t joke around and have to be all prissy. I am relaxed over here by the wall but I can feel the tenseness between their dry talk.
Thank god for one of the girls who seemed to be out of, “Nice day out there,” lines another lady showed up. She strolls in with her daughter who really breaks the ice for the adults. “Aw isn’t she cunning.” Tammy spouts out, “How old?” The mother of the little girl replies, “She is 3 and what a character she is,” she says wiping the dirt ring off the girls face. She is another one of those stay at home moms that I swear they get up and deck themselves out in high class attire just for something to do. The little girl is dressed up looking like a 3 year old teenager. A mini skirt and a shirt that says Prom Queen. I don’t know why a mom would do that unless she is trying to live through her daughter.
The conversation resumes with talks about them getting together for an outing. “That would be just fantastic we can get the girls together and catch up on some PTO issues,” a lady states, “and the girls miss each other so much.” She replies back, “How’s your husband is he still working at the hospital?” “Oh, yeah he hasn’t been home much it’s just been me and the little angel.” She says back.” By this time I am so over the uncomfortable small talk between the ladies. What makes it worse is they look down upon everyone but themselves. I chuckle to myself knowing that the two girls are just trying so hard with each other instead of just relaxing and just being themselves.
Finally the teacher comes around the corner leading a line of kids with another teaching holding up the back of the line. “Stay in line please, Nicco you are our leader today you need to lead the class to the room.” the teacher states to my son as he runs up to see me. “Daaaad!!” my son Nicco yells out, “Noah this is my dad.” At this time I look over in time to see the scowls on the ladies faces but I could care less because my boy is the greatest and I’m proud to hear him say that.
Content and organization work here, but a technical problem really works against you. When there's a lot of dialogue, each time a speaker changes, there's a new paragraph--it's not just a picky English teacher point, because it's much harder to read with it squashed up like this.
ReplyDeleteSo, for example, you have this: Thank god for one of the girls who seemed to be out of, “Nice day out there,” lines another lady showed up. She strolls in with her daughter who really breaks the ice for the adults. “Aw isn’t she cunning.” Tammy spouts out, “How old?” The mother of the little girl replies, “She is 3 and what a character she is,” she says wiping the dirt ring off the girls face.
But it ought to go like this:
Thank god for one of the girls who seemed to be out of, “Nice day out there,” lines another lady showed up. She strolls in with her daughter who really breaks the ice for the adults.
“Aw isn’t she cunning.” Tammy spouts out, “How old?”
The mother of the little girl replies, “She is 3 and what a character she is,” she says wiping the dirt ring off the girls face.
Don't want to leave the comment focusing on the negative. Strong observation, good ear for dialogue, interesting inner comments as you listen, and outstanding way to close.