1.) While You Sleep: You are most vulnerable while you are sleeping. Never trust a child. They can be so mischievous. Children are never tired and as adults, sorry, you will be tired. You are not four no more. While you sleep they have the whole run of the house. Put all snacks away, including chips, candy, and other kinds of junk food. If they are missing in the morning do not I repeat do not blame the dog.
2.) A Moment of Silence: This may not be listed as rule of thumb one but is the number one thing. As a parent you should expect NO silence ever. If you ever hear absolutely nothing. Run, duck, hide, take cover, and get ready for the worse. Children are never quite so if they become silent you know something is about to go down.
3.) The Bathroom: The bathroom is a battlefield with an endless supply of weapons and ammunition. Anything is the bathroom is fair game for a child. Toilet paper, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, and other items like dental floss. Toilet paper is an especially useful weapon for children. It can be used to plug a toilet or run ribbon through the house.
4.) Litter Box: The litter box can have multiple purposes such as a cat box/sand box.
5.) Keys: We all know keys jingle like little bells. It also has buttons which make your truck or car alarm go off. What child wouldn’t want to rattle those keys around and just plain and simply fuck with you. They seem to always go for the red alarm button. Horn honking and lights flashing and your heart pounding from being scared. Keys can double as a object for children to hide.
6.) Sippy Cups: Sippy cups are a must. Open top cups can often be spilled and will be spilled. Even if they are eight, nine, or ten give them a sippy cup.
7.) Mud Puddles: Puddles are a inviting hole of water and mud. If he/she is dressed in their best outfit for school watch them closer then close. The are and will make it into that puddle on way or another. Carry them if possible.
8.) Bed Time: This can be the toughest time of the day. They never want to go to bed. No matter how tired they are they just wont quit. They will fight you the whole way. Expect them to get up at least one or twice. Be prepared for water or with the toy they previously had. For some reason they will want one or the other.,
9.) Toys on the Floor: This can really put a man to his knees. Stepping on that sharp edged toy. It hurts like no other and will get a swear out of you whether you swear or not.
10.) Cuddles: Take the cuddles while you can. As they age cuddles will grow to be extinct. Take advantage of any chances of them cuddling or loving you. When they get to old you mine as well forget about it.
Mike--this is great--very much the assignment, very much having the air of much lived experience. Pieces this good don't come along that often!
ReplyDeleteWould you like to submit it to the school literary magazine, see if they have room for it? If so, the submission sheet is on the website--fill it out and email it and this as attachments to johngoldfine@gmail.com and I forward it.