One tool is the tool that everyone needs but really take for granted. This tool is with us all the time and really makes or breaks a person life or all living creature. The tool is the air we breathe. A sigh…. A breathe of fresh dewy air…… a sneeze, cough or yawn…. Life…. They all need oxygen. It is a tool which we physically use on a daily basis but yet we take for granted this necessity. It is beautiful. The beauty it create is everything around us and can be especially shown in trees. The trees flourish with great green leaves sucking up the toxic air we all do not want to breathe to produce more loving air for us. The beauty is me and you. The beauty is our children. All us parents can remember their child. First thing they do besides cry is to take that first deep breathe of that wonderful O2.… Could you imagine a child without it. Anything without this passes. A whale under water must always come up for that a tool which will be used for his life.
As I look across the leafless terrain I know without breathing the air is chilled. The tool is still doing its job but no tool works all the time. When my grandfather became ill, his tool for life was his green bottle of oxygen. The bottle being green was significant to me for it wreaked of life. It spawned his future for a little longer and that was the greatest tool that anyone could wish for. it’s the little things in life that we all take for granted. Mother Earth is like a swiss army knife it has a tool for everything. Some are always more important then others and can be used for multiple things. That was obvious as this air I breathed blew my hair around. It made me cold. It made sounds as to come alive. It enabled the birds to fly around in front of the house. It allowed them to tweet and the sugar to be sweet.
I then began to use my tool in an extraordinary way. I lit a fire. Earth as my garage to keep my tool safe had just what I wanted again. I was able to cook….. Stay warm…. And the thing my son loved….. Toasting marshmallow.
I read this, put it on hold, read your Uncle Henry's piece, and see that you are experimenting with that elliptical ... style, so let me compare the two pieces and see how they do or don't use that effectively.
ReplyDeleteThe advantage of the style is that it lets you float from idea to idea without needing a heavy logical apparatus--that can be good! The material flows without needing ever i dotted and t crossed.
I think this piece is effective in a dreamy, poetic way and the pargraphing is an enormous help, showing us a sort of progression, setting the oxygen bottle up as worthy of a lot of focus, allowing you to design a neat close.
Now the downside of the style is the risk of rambling, the risk that the ellipsis don't float but just allow the writer to go on and on without developing any muscle or focus in the material. You've got a lot of ideas and good material in the Uncle Henry piece, but I think the elliptical style let you off the hook for organization a little too much. Not asking for a rewrite though, just commenting.