Saturday, October 1, 2011

Narrative

It was a typical work day.  Me and my business partner were heading down to Bar Harbor to have another ball busting day at work.  It was around 80 degrees outside and the sun was beating down on the Earth leaving a haze coming off the road.  It was in the middle of summer driving down Route 1A heading to the most beautiful tourist island in the United States.  Me and my friend, Jason, owned a newly started landscaping business and it was weirdly doing great.  We were working five days a week and actually had to hire one and sometimes two people to work with us.  The job we were currently on was a high priority job which we were very behind on.  It was important for us to get there and we had plenty of things left to do.  The house was going to be in HOME magazine and it was going to be a great thing for us to be feature on the front page of a very popular magazine.
So as we headed down we were smoking a bowl to get our morning attitude adjustment.  We both didn’t really drink coffee so a few tokes and a drink were all we needed.  Of course the cologne was in the glove box as well.  We could loose business over someone smelling that weed smell on us especially some filthy rich southern bell we were working for.  There wasn’t a lot of traffic on the road I think our little line of traffic of 5 cars was the only little line of traffic out this morning. When all of a sudden we came to a pretty quick stop. Thank god Jason was paying attention and this wasn’t like one of those anti marijuana commercial were the guy keeps going running over people.  This was the real life.
Just then we noticed a horror show.   There was a accident with a car which hit a tractor trailer truck.  We raced up to the accident to help and we were two of the first people.  Diesel fuel from the truck laid all over the road.  It literally looked liked it rained diesel fuel.  It didn’t slow us down as we ran through the fuel to get to the car.  The truck driver was fine and was out almost stunned just looking at his truck instead of aiding the car.  The car was crunched it looked as if it was a soda can the had been stepped on.  A women was in the front very dazed and confused.  Another guy the ran to help was with her talking to her telling her she was alright.  Her legs were stuck under the dash due to the impact of the crash pushing the dash toward the seat.
I looked in the passenger seat and noticed no one so my focus went to the back hoping there was no kids in the back.  Sure enough, I saw a baby in a car seat and no one on the passenger side back seat and it was a good thing because that side was demolished.  I went to the baby which wasn’t on the seat.  The back window was blown out and the baby who was strapped in the car seat was up on the back dash board and partly out side where the back window once was.  I made sure the baby was alright and knew not to touch anyone if we didn’t have to so I made the baby feel alright.
Wouldn’t you know it the car at that moment happened to catch on fire.  What a great time for this to happen a women was trapped in the car and gas was everywhere.  We all panicked at this moment and tried to push the car out of the fuel and throw sand up under the hood. Thank god at the moment a guy in spandex, which kind of at that tense moment made me chuckle, but he ran over with a fire extinguisher and saved the day.   By this time fire, paramedics and police showed up and took over.
This was a disastrous day and we both knew we couldn’t go to work.  You see my friend Jason was in a life threatening car accident and was in the hospital for a month about a year before this. To boot, two weeks before this I got literally blown up and my face burnt off due to a gasoline and pine tree accident.  This made us have a sort of personal connection to this. The saddest part to all of this is that in that car of two people were three people.  The next day on the front page come to find out there was another little girl in the car who they cut out.  She was dead on arrival.  If only we could of helped her………..

1 comment:

  1. Interesting to see how such great materials still can fail to come together as a story. You lose the story in the last graf (what should be the last graf, I mean): "YOu see my friend Jason, etc.)

    That material needs to be dramatized for this to work--instead of giving us Jason having flashbacks, panic attacks, but still helping at the accident and you ditto, we get a limp recounting of the backstory.

    Doesn't work. Even the dead child doesn't work to dramatize the story--we'd need a strong description of the back seat, everyone looking and seeing nothing, and then...the hard fact.

    Or this could be the story of two guys on dope who still rose to the occasion, but the dope doesn't seem to have much to do with what happened.

    How about a rewrite?

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